So I was getting my monthlyish haircut over the weekend, during which I learned that the girl who regularly attempts to hack into my spiky shagpile comes from the same Polish city as my Aunt (hello Gosia!!). Slightly odd, as I thought she was Spanish (the hairdresser, that is). But then, I've only been going there for eight years. I managed to impress her with my awesome pronunciation of Wroclaw, which I'd be willing to bet you can't take a shot at*. It's the second-largest city after Warsaw, and is in the Lower Silesian Voivodeship, as I'm sure you all appreciate. That's a word my spellchecker returns as 'Volvo dealership'. Anyway, we talked about our collective knowledge of Poland for a while - her twenty-odd years compared to my pronunciation of one urban area. I'm glad my Auntie isn't from Bydgoszcz, or I'd have had nothing to say at all.
Haircuts are peculiar things, it's the single thing you get someone else to do that has a major impact on how you look. Hence the trepidation many people feel about them. Tonsurophobia is what you have when things get really bad. The 'International Hair Directory' HairFinder.com has an article about the subject, written by a Psychosocial Therapist. In it, she postulates fear of getting a haircut may be a sign of a greater problem, such as social anxiety disorder or personality issues. There are dozens of hairstyle websites out there, many trying to help those with haircut anxiety by featuring stunning pictures of knockout celebs, like the lovely Scarlett Johansson. Thankfully Hairfinder has a Hair Chooser where you can upload a photo of yourself (men and women both) and generate all kinds of wacky do's - but alas it costs US$15, so you'll have to make do of the photo of me above.
Firstly, I was obviously pale and drawn because of all the hard academic work and all those hours in the gym working on my six-pack. Secondly, center partings were all the rage in the mid-90's. They were hard to keep up with, though, far more complicated than my current "shave round the back and chop into the top, prosze." I remember once getting some old duffer in a place outside of Stirling, who hacked into the back like a pensioner going at a privet hedge, then blowdried the front until I looked like George Michael. But hey, I bet there's not one of you out there who doesn't have at least one hair crime in their past. Student days are clearly the best time for these, as the new found freedoms kick in and either youthful exuberance or destitution result in cracking combinations of lengths and colours. I've never changed colour, but I've certainly changed my length (as it were), the time I got the whole lot shaved off was great fun, until I realised that I instantly resembled a pink kiwi fruit.
As I can't do a post without mentioning Wikipedia, I had great fun with their 'notable hairstyles' section (go to the link and scroll down a bit). Duck's Ass, anyone? I put that into an online Polish translator, and it came back wonderfully as 'kaczka osiol' "Kaczka" sounds like the noise a duck might make, if it had a heavy cold, and "Osiol", well... Worried waterfowl aside, there are so many different types and styles of haircut these days, that pretty much anything goes. Even mullets seem to have come back, every day I see some catastrophic alignment of edges and highlights. Kevin Pietersen has a lot to answer for, although it's worth pointing out Shane Warne had that hair surgically implanted, and it still looks like he's got a bird on his head. Maybe it's a kaczka osiol. Anyroad, the good thing with modern hairstyles is that if you are unfortunate enough to get a terrible haircut, it seems you will be in good company.
* It's pronounced rotswoff. Gold star if you got it...
