There were many big news stories this week, but one which may have slipped under your radar was yet another example of Government meddling. No, not involving ID cards or nuclear power, but something much bigger. This week the British Government rejected a petition calling for UK pet shops to legally sell elephants to the public. Outrage! The petition was signed by over 650 people, and had been proposed by a 12 year old called Jack Smithies. He argued "...Elephants are creatures that children could learn about better by owning their own and keeping them in easily and cheaply converted sheds."
Picture the scene...you're in your local Pets R Us trying to find something cute and fluffy for little Johnny. Dogs (too messy); Cats (too detached); Parrots (you'll never be able to swear again, the parrot will do that for you)....then at the back of the shop, a large grey object comes into view....Well, maybe not. But elephants as pets have so many advantages. Firstly, they would make unbeatable protectors of your property when you're in Magaluf for two weeks of sun. I'd rather burgle a house with a dozen Alsatians inside than a stomping Jumbo. Secondly, I'm guessing they make great companions, although you'd have to make sure they were house trained pretty quickly.
Taking them for walks would be the best bit, as you could ride them around, so they'd be taking you for a walk. Plus up there you could fix your guttering before Nelly set off for the park. Just watch out for any travelling circuses. Food bills would be a doddle too - especially when compared to the prices they charge for boutique gourmet cat food. Just turn up in the Supermarket at ten to five when they discount all the salad - you could even bring Nelly with you for the exercise. Although, it's tough to parallel park an elephant.
Anyway, all this is speculation, as the Goverment squashed the idea like Nelly playing with next doors annoying terrier. They responded "...The Government agrees that keeping a pet has many benefits, not just for children but people of all ages. However, the Government does not think elephants would make good pets. They are very large animals that are not used to being kept as pets, and have welfare needs that would be impossible to meet in pet shops or people's homes. Elephants can also be dangerous and it would not be safe for people to be able to keep them in their backyard." But Jack had thought of that, hence the proposal for cheaply converted garden sheds. I dunno.
So another of my boyhood dreams dies a death, along with becoming Indiana Jones and going to the planet where Space Raiders come from. Maybe one day I'll own my own elephant - although I could always start with a tapir and work my way up, I guess. Anyhow, pet shops could never sell elephants - where would they keep their mice?
