Monday, September 17, 2007
Coos on Mull
Mull's a great island, really a fantastic part of Scotland. Famed for it's wildlife - we saw otters, eagles and dolphins - it's the Highland Cow that's the ubiquitous symbol of this part of the world. Here are some pictures I got, which really wasn't difficult as you can just wander up to them - they really don't seem to care. In a few days, I'll put some more pictures up from different parts of the island - but until then...coos!
Friday, September 07, 2007
Mulltime
More of this to come...
Mid-September and the festival craziness is over. Admittedly, I didn't really go to anything, but all the visitors have left Edinburgh and it's time for a holiday of my own. To the Isle of Mull, for a week. Stand by for plenty of remote photos of colourful houses and heeland coos. I'll also have two more short trips away in the next few weeks, before the big one - I'm going back to Tokyo, in October. DUaB hits the road again...
Mid-September and the festival craziness is over. Admittedly, I didn't really go to anything, but all the visitors have left Edinburgh and it's time for a holiday of my own. To the Isle of Mull, for a week. Stand by for plenty of remote photos of colourful houses and heeland coos. I'll also have two more short trips away in the next few weeks, before the big one - I'm going back to Tokyo, in October. DUaB hits the road again...
Monday, September 03, 2007
End of the Festivities
One of the calendar dates for Edinburghers is the annual fireworks display over the castle, signifying the end of the festival season. 1.5m tickets for shows and concerts later, the massive influx of tourists and crowds dwindle away and the locals come out for the final festival act. Even with the stunning spectacle going on, other things can be more entertaining, as this young boy in the crowd stares at a funky neon wand-thing bought for him by his parents.
Edinburgh's more famous fireworks happen at Hogmanay, but the festival finale fireworks are also a big draw. A large 'family fun zone' is layed out in Inverleith Park near the botanic gardens, which gives an unobstructed view over to the castle, used as the backdrop. Music for the show, which lasts a good 45 minutes, comes from the Scottish Philharmonic Orchestra.
Fireworks are notoriously hard to photograph, but my trusty credit card-sized Panasonic has a special setting for them, so you've got to give it a go. About a thousand pictures later, these are a few of the best. Some people viewing had tripods and fancy setups, but I always prefer the portable point and click method. OK, it may be rubbish, but at least I'm improving - my photos from the Sydney new year fireworks in 2005 are even more fuzzy.
The mega spectacle was slightly let down by the music - which for some reason this year was American marching band stuff. I've nothing against that kind of thing, but maybe it would have been more suited to a civil war re-enactment than a Scottish fireworks display. And the BBC Radio Scotland hosts were the epitome of tweee local radio presenters, going on at length about the 'carnival atmosphere' and coming out with things like 'it feels as if they are putting on a show just for us' or 'if you live on Castle Terrace and were thinking of turning in for an early night - forget it! Eh, Diane?' Still, easy to block them out.
My abiding memory of the end of festival display is the 2004 show, which happened a few weeks before I moved to Australia. In my old flat on the other side of town, people used to bring chairs and radios and sit in the road (it was a reasonably quiet street), to get the best view of the fireworks. If a car came, everyone would get up and move, then re-plonk themselves in their spots. But the Scottish weather being what it is, the heavy rain and think cloud meant you could see about an inch of sky, just snatching a quick glimpse of the rockets shooting upwards, as they burst inside the cloud invisible to all. Being British, we all stood or sat there anyway, getting soaked, watching a spectacular non-spectacle.
...but despite the show last night being highly impressive, for some of the people watching, there were other more important things going on...
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Taking the Aussie test
Question 7...
The Australian Government today released a 40-page booklet to be issued to all prospective immigrants. Inside, it summarises the history, people and customs of the country. Also for the first time, those that wish to become part of life down under must take a written test of twenty questions. If they score less than twelve correct, they will be refused entry (although only until they can re-sit and exceed the pass mark). "This is part of the government's emphasis that we continue to get that balance between diversity and integration correct in future, particularly as we now draw people from so many different countries and so many different cultures." said the minister in charge, Kevin Andrews. Well, I managed to get through the immigration checks when I moved to Sydney (i.e. I bought a visa) - but could I qualify if I had to...?
[correct answers in brackets. And no, I didn't cheat and use Google]
1. In what year did Federation take place?
Er, blimey. I have no idea. Not a good start.
[1901]
2. Which day of the year is Australia Day?
I was only there for one Australia Day, but I'm pretty sure it's the 25th of January.
[January 26th]
3. Who was the first Prime Minister of Australia?
Um...
[Edmund Barton]
4. What is the first line of Australia's national anthem?
I know it's called 'Advance Australia Fair', and I also know that isn't the first line.
['Australians all, let us rejoice']
5. What is the floral emblem of Australia?
The floral emblem of New South Wales is the Waratah. No points for that though. The gum tree?
[Wattle]
6. What is the population of Australia?
They must be able to read the booklet first, I would think. They can't expect potential immigrants to know this exactly, surely? And anyway, if you were applying for immigration it would mean the answer would shortly be wrong.
[approx 21m]
7. In what city is the Parliament House of the Commonwealth Parliament located?
Canberra! I've been round it!
[Canberra]
8. Who is the Queen's representative in Australia?
The Governor General, who lives in a very swanky mansion at Kirribilli opposite the Opera House. Don't ask me his name though.
[The Governor General]
9. How are Members of Parliament chosen?
Er...they get elected?
[Elections]
10. Who do Members of Parliament represent?
Their constituents. Or, when necessary, themselves.
[The people of their electorate]
11. After a federal election, who forms the new government?
The party that gets the most votes.
[The political party or coalition of parties which wins a majority of seats in the House of Representatives]
12. What are the colours on the Australian flag?
Red white and blue. An easy one there.
[Red White and Blue]
13. Who is the head of the Australian Government?
The Prime Minister, John Howard (of whom I am not a fan - not that I would write that in my answer)
[The Prime Minister]
14. What are the three levels of government in Australia?
Um. Local, State and Federal?
[Commonwealth, State or Territory and local]
15. In what year did the European settlement of Australia start?
The first fleet arrived in 1788, I read a book on it when I was there.
[1788]
16. Serving on a jury if required is a responsibility of Australian citizenship: true or false?
It is here, so I'll go for true.
[True]
17. In Australia, everyone is free to practice the religion of their choice, or practice no religion: true of false?
Sounds like a trick question, but I'm going to push the boat out and say true.
[True]
18. To be elected to the Commonwealth Parliament you must be an Australian citizen: true or false?
I would think so?
[True]
19. As an Australian citizen, I have the right to register my baby born overseas as an Australian citizen: true or false?
A lot of these are true, which makes me worried - but 'True' again.
[True]
20. Australian citizens aged 18 years or over are required to enrol on the electoral register: true or false?
Someone told me when I was there that voting is compulsory, so it's another true. So...did I pass?
[True]
Thirteen out of twenty - one better than the pass mark required. After a year of living in Australia, I managed to accumulate only enough basic information to scrape through as one of them. Thankfully, they don't ask you these questions when your visa runs out to see what you've learned on your stay...
Australia unveils immigrant tests [BBC]
Citizenship test questions [Sydney Morning Herald]
The Australian Government today released a 40-page booklet to be issued to all prospective immigrants. Inside, it summarises the history, people and customs of the country. Also for the first time, those that wish to become part of life down under must take a written test of twenty questions. If they score less than twelve correct, they will be refused entry (although only until they can re-sit and exceed the pass mark). "This is part of the government's emphasis that we continue to get that balance between diversity and integration correct in future, particularly as we now draw people from so many different countries and so many different cultures." said the minister in charge, Kevin Andrews. Well, I managed to get through the immigration checks when I moved to Sydney (i.e. I bought a visa) - but could I qualify if I had to...?
[correct answers in brackets. And no, I didn't cheat and use Google]
1. In what year did Federation take place?
Er, blimey. I have no idea. Not a good start.
[1901]
2. Which day of the year is Australia Day?
I was only there for one Australia Day, but I'm pretty sure it's the 25th of January.
[January 26th]
3. Who was the first Prime Minister of Australia?
Um...
[Edmund Barton]
4. What is the first line of Australia's national anthem?
I know it's called 'Advance Australia Fair', and I also know that isn't the first line.
['Australians all, let us rejoice']
5. What is the floral emblem of Australia?
The floral emblem of New South Wales is the Waratah. No points for that though. The gum tree?
[Wattle]
6. What is the population of Australia?
They must be able to read the booklet first, I would think. They can't expect potential immigrants to know this exactly, surely? And anyway, if you were applying for immigration it would mean the answer would shortly be wrong.
[approx 21m]
7. In what city is the Parliament House of the Commonwealth Parliament located?
Canberra! I've been round it!
[Canberra]
8. Who is the Queen's representative in Australia?
The Governor General, who lives in a very swanky mansion at Kirribilli opposite the Opera House. Don't ask me his name though.
[The Governor General]
9. How are Members of Parliament chosen?
Er...they get elected?
[Elections]
10. Who do Members of Parliament represent?
Their constituents. Or, when necessary, themselves.
[The people of their electorate]
11. After a federal election, who forms the new government?
The party that gets the most votes.
[The political party or coalition of parties which wins a majority of seats in the House of Representatives]
12. What are the colours on the Australian flag?
Red white and blue. An easy one there.
[Red White and Blue]
13. Who is the head of the Australian Government?
The Prime Minister, John Howard (of whom I am not a fan - not that I would write that in my answer)
[The Prime Minister]
14. What are the three levels of government in Australia?
Um. Local, State and Federal?
[Commonwealth, State or Territory and local]
15. In what year did the European settlement of Australia start?
The first fleet arrived in 1788, I read a book on it when I was there.
[1788]
16. Serving on a jury if required is a responsibility of Australian citizenship: true or false?
It is here, so I'll go for true.
[True]
17. In Australia, everyone is free to practice the religion of their choice, or practice no religion: true of false?
Sounds like a trick question, but I'm going to push the boat out and say true.
[True]
18. To be elected to the Commonwealth Parliament you must be an Australian citizen: true or false?
I would think so?
[True]
19. As an Australian citizen, I have the right to register my baby born overseas as an Australian citizen: true or false?
A lot of these are true, which makes me worried - but 'True' again.
[True]
20. Australian citizens aged 18 years or over are required to enrol on the electoral register: true or false?
Someone told me when I was there that voting is compulsory, so it's another true. So...did I pass?
[True]
Thirteen out of twenty - one better than the pass mark required. After a year of living in Australia, I managed to accumulate only enough basic information to scrape through as one of them. Thankfully, they don't ask you these questions when your visa runs out to see what you've learned on your stay...
Australia unveils immigrant tests [BBC]
Citizenship test questions [Sydney Morning Herald]
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
It's a dangerous job...
But what else will they give you...?
A few years ago I was in the Massachusetts coastal town of Gloucester, and on the seafront there stands a famous monument to fishermen who have died in the Atlantic waters over the years. Fishing is one of the world's most dangerous occupations - 454 British fishermen were lost in the 20yrs to 1995, according to the Health and Safety Executive. Figures from the US Dept of Labour have the most hazardous job there as woodcutting (they seem to have moved on from 'lumberjacks'), with 117 fatalities per 100,000 workers in the year 2002. The combination of large machinery, falling trees and remoteness clearly become an unfortunate set of circumstances. But if you look at the ICD10 coding book of every bad thing that can happen to you ever, there are no specific disorders attributable to these careers, so which job is truly more dangerous?
Being a Housemaid is the classic example of a seemingly dull job that can have painful consequences. Housemaid's Knee (M70.4) is now commonly called by it's anatomical name as the Victorian era of put-upon women scrubbing slate floors has long gone, although 'Prepatellar bursitis' isn't quite as romantic. Shipyard Eye (H79.2) likewise paints a picture of a bygone era (unlike 'Epidemic keratoconjunctivitis'), as does Haymaker's Lung (J67.0), Farmer's Skin (L57.8), and Brass-founder's Ague (T56.8), which is also known as Foundryman's Fever. Inhalation of metallic oxide particles stick to the lungs and cause severe malaria-like symptoms - something the careers guidance counselor won't have mentioned (and I bet they don't have a disease.
If you're collecting body parts to go with your Farmer's Skin and Shipyard Eye, then be on the look out for Tin Miner's Lung (J63.5) and Coal Miner's Elbow (M70.2) - and try not to get them confused, especially if you're calling in sick from your miner's hut as you fancy a day off. Shoemaker's Chest (M95.4), Baseball Finger (S63.1) also sound painful, as does something many people are risking in later life - Beer Drinker's Heart Disease (I42.6) (I don't know if this is any different to the normal heart disease). Baker's Cyst (M71.2) could be for the overly-excited kneaders out there, as could Student's Elbow (M70.2).
There really can't be too many inpatient admissions to Scottish hospitals from people suffering from Pearl-worker's Disease (M86.8), File-cutter's Disease (T56.0), or Cork-handler's Disease (J67.3). And the absolute best of the lot - Milkman's Disease (M83.8) - notable symptoms include an irritating jaunty whistle - which now has been reclassified 'Osteomalacia', the highly common softening of bones due to a deficiency of Vitamin D. Lungs take quite a pounding in these various careers, with Slate-dresser's Lung (J62.8), Fishmeal-workers Lung (J67.8), Arc Welder's Lung (J63.4), Cheese-washer's Lung (J67.8), and surely the most specific job/disease combo in the medical world - Maple Bark-stripper's Lung (J67.6).
Having said that, Kew Garden Fever (A79.1) can't affect too many people (unless it means those aghast at paying £12.25 to get in), and Pituitary snuff-taker's Disease (J67.8) is one from the history books - possibly joining with Pickwickian Syndrome (E66.2) in a Dicken's style illness, with a side-helping of Dabney's Grip (B33.0). Parrot Fever (A70) would be something for bird enthusiast's to avoid, as would the old favourite Bird-fancier's Lung (J67.2). Little-Leaguer's Elbow (M77.0) I can only imagine is restricted entirely to the United States, and for obvious reasons Norwegian Itch (B86) would concern Scandinavians especially (although it's actually another name for Scabies).
So what's the most dangerous job? It has to be the professional pub-quiz attendees who know every capital city, can tell you which countries border others, and the various long rivers or highest mountains. They might know all the answers, but they also run the risk of contracting Geographic Tongue (K14.1)
Previous DUaB ICD10 posts...
How to come to grief
A one-way trip to the vet
A few years ago I was in the Massachusetts coastal town of Gloucester, and on the seafront there stands a famous monument to fishermen who have died in the Atlantic waters over the years. Fishing is one of the world's most dangerous occupations - 454 British fishermen were lost in the 20yrs to 1995, according to the Health and Safety Executive. Figures from the US Dept of Labour have the most hazardous job there as woodcutting (they seem to have moved on from 'lumberjacks'), with 117 fatalities per 100,000 workers in the year 2002. The combination of large machinery, falling trees and remoteness clearly become an unfortunate set of circumstances. But if you look at the ICD10 coding book of every bad thing that can happen to you ever, there are no specific disorders attributable to these careers, so which job is truly more dangerous?
Being a Housemaid is the classic example of a seemingly dull job that can have painful consequences. Housemaid's Knee (M70.4) is now commonly called by it's anatomical name as the Victorian era of put-upon women scrubbing slate floors has long gone, although 'Prepatellar bursitis' isn't quite as romantic. Shipyard Eye (H79.2) likewise paints a picture of a bygone era (unlike 'Epidemic keratoconjunctivitis'), as does Haymaker's Lung (J67.0), Farmer's Skin (L57.8), and Brass-founder's Ague (T56.8), which is also known as Foundryman's Fever. Inhalation of metallic oxide particles stick to the lungs and cause severe malaria-like symptoms - something the careers guidance counselor won't have mentioned (and I bet they don't have a disease.
If you're collecting body parts to go with your Farmer's Skin and Shipyard Eye, then be on the look out for Tin Miner's Lung (J63.5) and Coal Miner's Elbow (M70.2) - and try not to get them confused, especially if you're calling in sick from your miner's hut as you fancy a day off. Shoemaker's Chest (M95.4), Baseball Finger (S63.1) also sound painful, as does something many people are risking in later life - Beer Drinker's Heart Disease (I42.6) (I don't know if this is any different to the normal heart disease). Baker's Cyst (M71.2) could be for the overly-excited kneaders out there, as could Student's Elbow (M70.2).
There really can't be too many inpatient admissions to Scottish hospitals from people suffering from Pearl-worker's Disease (M86.8), File-cutter's Disease (T56.0), or Cork-handler's Disease (J67.3). And the absolute best of the lot - Milkman's Disease (M83.8) - notable symptoms include an irritating jaunty whistle - which now has been reclassified 'Osteomalacia', the highly common softening of bones due to a deficiency of Vitamin D. Lungs take quite a pounding in these various careers, with Slate-dresser's Lung (J62.8), Fishmeal-workers Lung (J67.8), Arc Welder's Lung (J63.4), Cheese-washer's Lung (J67.8), and surely the most specific job/disease combo in the medical world - Maple Bark-stripper's Lung (J67.6).
Having said that, Kew Garden Fever (A79.1) can't affect too many people (unless it means those aghast at paying £12.25 to get in), and Pituitary snuff-taker's Disease (J67.8) is one from the history books - possibly joining with Pickwickian Syndrome (E66.2) in a Dicken's style illness, with a side-helping of Dabney's Grip (B33.0). Parrot Fever (A70) would be something for bird enthusiast's to avoid, as would the old favourite Bird-fancier's Lung (J67.2). Little-Leaguer's Elbow (M77.0) I can only imagine is restricted entirely to the United States, and for obvious reasons Norwegian Itch (B86) would concern Scandinavians especially (although it's actually another name for Scabies).
So what's the most dangerous job? It has to be the professional pub-quiz attendees who know every capital city, can tell you which countries border others, and the various long rivers or highest mountains. They might know all the answers, but they also run the risk of contracting Geographic Tongue (K14.1)
Previous DUaB ICD10 posts...
How to come to grief
A one-way trip to the vet
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Beautiful Game
Roque Santa Cruz salutes the Rovers fans
Saturday's visit to Middlesbrough contained almost everything that I love about football, those small things that add up to one of those days you remember as a follower of a certain team for a long time. Right from the off, a 2hr train journey from Edinburgh to Darlington, which I managed to do in extreme comfort after finding a cheap first class ticket. I bet few Rovers fans on their way to Teeside began their trip sipping tea in a walnut-veneered train coach. Going to away games always involves plenty of waiting around, and standing on windy Darlington station waiting for the next leg was no exception. 40 minutes later and a knackered-looking two carriaged train to Saltburn took me to Middlesbrough, through typically Northern English countryside (vast Barrett Homes estates).
After indulging in the time-honoured tactic of walking the wrong way out of the station, turning around and following a few red-shirted home fans seemed to be the best way to go. Walking to the stadium is another moment - none of this driving to a vast car park and waddling to the game for us Brits. Turning the corner and seeing the floodlights is what it's all about, something easy to do at Middlesbrough as the stadium is surrounded by an industrial docklands wasteland and you can see it for miles (but harder at Blackburn, as Ewood Park is in a valley and you approach it level with the top of the grandstand). Everything else was there though, the bored looking policemen, burger vans, litter, seagulls.
Then the stadium rituals. Walk around the outside, have a quick look in the window of the club shop. Wonder what the home side's kit sponsor actually does (they make sat navs, apparently). Wander over to the statue of old time great and see if you've heard of him (not in my case). Check the ticket and find out which turnstile you have to enter in, as you spot a few groups of other away fans in the blue and white halves. Give the yellow-coated steward a quick nod, and in you go, through the clanking red gate. Always concrete inside, usually dark, and busy with men holding large plastic pints of lager. Go and find your seat and get a first look at the other team's stadium. Is it better than yours? (yes and no). More waiting.
As the pitch is finished being watered, the players jog out for warmups, with both sets of fans cheering - the away fans louder because that's what away fans do. The goalkeepers usually come out first, and you watch Rovers legend Brad Friedel going through stretches that he must have done thousands of times. He moves to the corner of the pitch and has two men volley balls at him from close range, as the outfield players trot out in warmup kits they only ever seem to wear for twenty minutes once a week. Friedel moves to the Rovers fans and signs autographs, posing for a photo with a young lad in a replica goalkeeper jersey. The others do sprints, the substitutes holding back, the older players even more so, Turkish playmaker and elder statesman Tugay barely jogging. He must not be in the lineup. As if on queue, the teams are announced (he isn't), and you cheer each name, stopping at the substitutes (for some reason). The players go off again.
Ten minutes later they are back. Now the stands are almost full, the stragglers making their way up the steps. Both teams walk under a pointless Premier League banner and stand facing outwards for a mysterious anthem. Someone up the back starts off the first chant of "Mark Hughes's Blue and White Army!!". A few home fans look over to where you're sitting, wondering how many Blackburn have brought, and how noisy they will be. The announcer reads out the teams again over the PA System, and you watch as they move to take up their positions in the 4-4-2, easily spotting Robbie Savage from his trademark blonde mullet. You scan across each player familiarising yourself again with what they look like - Friedel, Warnock, Samba (unmistakeable at 6'5''), Nelson, Ooijer (Emerton must be injured), Gamst Pedersen, Savage, Dunn, Bentley, Roberts, McCarthy. You barely know half the Middlesbrough team. The referee blows his whistle.
Rovers are on the back foot almost immediately as the home side press forward. The fans try and help them out, though. There are probably 1,800 compared to 24,000 Middlesbrough fans, but it's always away fans that make the noise. But Boro are playing really well, missing an open goal with a misplaced pass. Moaning starts from the Rovers fans (no change there), but we're making a lot of noise. On half an hour our Congolese giant Samba gives away a foul and their player whacks the ball through a gap in the wall into the bottom corner, putting the home side 1-0 up. At last, their fans start chanting - "You're not singing anymore!", they gloat. The score stays the same until halftime, and the players troop off, Savage arguing with the referee about awarding the freekick (which was entirely correct, not that he would admit).
Only fifteen minutes at the break, time to push through the crowds and go for a piss - they even have a steward in the toilet, I've not seen that before. Back up to the stands as the announcer reads out the other scores - Bolton are losing 3-0 at home to Newcastle, great stuff. But up here Newcastle are the enemy, not Bolton, so the home fans whistle and boo. All too soon, the second half starts, and immediately Rovers improve, ears stinging from a halftime rant from the manager. The chants continue, at a player if he does something good, at the lack of noise from the Boro fans, and at our rivals Burnley - "Your Mum's Your Dad, Your Dad's Your Mum, You're Interbred, You're Burnley Scum". Rovers miss an easy chance. Then the turning point, as star forward Benni McCarthy collapses after a clash of heads and is stretchered away in a neck brace, with both sets of fans sportingly applauding.
On comes Blackburn's new signing, the 25 year old Paraguayan Roque Santa Cruz. He's never played in England before, having arrived from the German giants Bayern Munich for £3.5m. After only two minutes on the pitch, Bentley swings the ball in, and up rises the new boy to head Rovers back level. It's just fantastic, you're jumping up and down and screaming, it's really hard to describe just what it feels like. Roque runs over to the area in front of you and punches the air, having become an instant hero. All the Boro fans are staring over, there are plenty of gestures going both ways. Goalscorer Roque runs back to the halfway line and waves at us, as a new chant starts - "You'd better watch out, You'd better beware, He's good on the ground and he's good in the air, Santa Cruz is coming...to town". Belted out, it sounds like the entire stadium is singing, although of course 95% of them are glumly looking over at you.
The players are rejuvenated - with the Rovers fans in full voice again and the home side rattled, it's all Blackburn. Another change, as Roberts goes off, and on comes 21 year old Blackburn-born striker Matt Derbyshire. Before the game he was chatting to friends in the stand, and as he runs on we chant his name. Amazingly, moments later he scores too - a wonder goal from the edge of the penalty area, lifted into the far corner of the net. All the players pause, not quite believing it, as it's Derbyshire's first contribution. In an instant, he starts running over to his friends as you go mental again, jumping up and down in the arms of the bloke next to you. All ten outfield Blackburn players are down celebrating with Derbyshire, who falls over trying a fancy celebration. It's tough to describe without sounding corny, but at that moment it's all you're concentrating on, and the group of people around you are ecstatic, punching the air and screaming. Nothing else seems to matter.
But it's not over yet as the long injury break means there's many minutes of added time. Buoyed on by the home fans, who in their desperation have become louder, they mount attack after attack - winning 13 corners over the course of the game. But Rovers hold on, and the feeling of relief when the whistle goes is almost unbeatable. More jumping around and cheering, and waving at the Boro fans as they make for the exits. Manager Mark Hughes points to us, telling his players to go and give their thanks - but many are already on their way. We mimic them as they applaud us, hands above their heads. As each one arrives, we chant his name, pointing at Brad Friedel as we do so, in a 'we're not worthy' style. It must look amazing from their perspective. Matt Derbyshire waits for his friends to come down, and he gets a great reception. Wait until the last one of them leaves, and then make for the exit.
Outside, huge crowds of people walking in every direction, most of them bitterly disappointed. But not you. The 4hr journey home doesn't seem so bad now, and your hands are still shaking, voice slightly going, as you join the throngs of red-shirted fans heading for the station.
Official Blackburn Rovers website
Middlesbrough 1 Blackburn Rovers 2 [BBC]
Video of Matt Derbyshire's winner [with Turkish commentary]
Saturday's visit to Middlesbrough contained almost everything that I love about football, those small things that add up to one of those days you remember as a follower of a certain team for a long time. Right from the off, a 2hr train journey from Edinburgh to Darlington, which I managed to do in extreme comfort after finding a cheap first class ticket. I bet few Rovers fans on their way to Teeside began their trip sipping tea in a walnut-veneered train coach. Going to away games always involves plenty of waiting around, and standing on windy Darlington station waiting for the next leg was no exception. 40 minutes later and a knackered-looking two carriaged train to Saltburn took me to Middlesbrough, through typically Northern English countryside (vast Barrett Homes estates).
After indulging in the time-honoured tactic of walking the wrong way out of the station, turning around and following a few red-shirted home fans seemed to be the best way to go. Walking to the stadium is another moment - none of this driving to a vast car park and waddling to the game for us Brits. Turning the corner and seeing the floodlights is what it's all about, something easy to do at Middlesbrough as the stadium is surrounded by an industrial docklands wasteland and you can see it for miles (but harder at Blackburn, as Ewood Park is in a valley and you approach it level with the top of the grandstand). Everything else was there though, the bored looking policemen, burger vans, litter, seagulls.
Then the stadium rituals. Walk around the outside, have a quick look in the window of the club shop. Wonder what the home side's kit sponsor actually does (they make sat navs, apparently). Wander over to the statue of old time great and see if you've heard of him (not in my case). Check the ticket and find out which turnstile you have to enter in, as you spot a few groups of other away fans in the blue and white halves. Give the yellow-coated steward a quick nod, and in you go, through the clanking red gate. Always concrete inside, usually dark, and busy with men holding large plastic pints of lager. Go and find your seat and get a first look at the other team's stadium. Is it better than yours? (yes and no). More waiting.
As the pitch is finished being watered, the players jog out for warmups, with both sets of fans cheering - the away fans louder because that's what away fans do. The goalkeepers usually come out first, and you watch Rovers legend Brad Friedel going through stretches that he must have done thousands of times. He moves to the corner of the pitch and has two men volley balls at him from close range, as the outfield players trot out in warmup kits they only ever seem to wear for twenty minutes once a week. Friedel moves to the Rovers fans and signs autographs, posing for a photo with a young lad in a replica goalkeeper jersey. The others do sprints, the substitutes holding back, the older players even more so, Turkish playmaker and elder statesman Tugay barely jogging. He must not be in the lineup. As if on queue, the teams are announced (he isn't), and you cheer each name, stopping at the substitutes (for some reason). The players go off again.
Ten minutes later they are back. Now the stands are almost full, the stragglers making their way up the steps. Both teams walk under a pointless Premier League banner and stand facing outwards for a mysterious anthem. Someone up the back starts off the first chant of "Mark Hughes's Blue and White Army!!". A few home fans look over to where you're sitting, wondering how many Blackburn have brought, and how noisy they will be. The announcer reads out the teams again over the PA System, and you watch as they move to take up their positions in the 4-4-2, easily spotting Robbie Savage from his trademark blonde mullet. You scan across each player familiarising yourself again with what they look like - Friedel, Warnock, Samba (unmistakeable at 6'5''), Nelson, Ooijer (Emerton must be injured), Gamst Pedersen, Savage, Dunn, Bentley, Roberts, McCarthy. You barely know half the Middlesbrough team. The referee blows his whistle.
Rovers are on the back foot almost immediately as the home side press forward. The fans try and help them out, though. There are probably 1,800 compared to 24,000 Middlesbrough fans, but it's always away fans that make the noise. But Boro are playing really well, missing an open goal with a misplaced pass. Moaning starts from the Rovers fans (no change there), but we're making a lot of noise. On half an hour our Congolese giant Samba gives away a foul and their player whacks the ball through a gap in the wall into the bottom corner, putting the home side 1-0 up. At last, their fans start chanting - "You're not singing anymore!", they gloat. The score stays the same until halftime, and the players troop off, Savage arguing with the referee about awarding the freekick (which was entirely correct, not that he would admit).
Only fifteen minutes at the break, time to push through the crowds and go for a piss - they even have a steward in the toilet, I've not seen that before. Back up to the stands as the announcer reads out the other scores - Bolton are losing 3-0 at home to Newcastle, great stuff. But up here Newcastle are the enemy, not Bolton, so the home fans whistle and boo. All too soon, the second half starts, and immediately Rovers improve, ears stinging from a halftime rant from the manager. The chants continue, at a player if he does something good, at the lack of noise from the Boro fans, and at our rivals Burnley - "Your Mum's Your Dad, Your Dad's Your Mum, You're Interbred, You're Burnley Scum". Rovers miss an easy chance. Then the turning point, as star forward Benni McCarthy collapses after a clash of heads and is stretchered away in a neck brace, with both sets of fans sportingly applauding.
On comes Blackburn's new signing, the 25 year old Paraguayan Roque Santa Cruz. He's never played in England before, having arrived from the German giants Bayern Munich for £3.5m. After only two minutes on the pitch, Bentley swings the ball in, and up rises the new boy to head Rovers back level. It's just fantastic, you're jumping up and down and screaming, it's really hard to describe just what it feels like. Roque runs over to the area in front of you and punches the air, having become an instant hero. All the Boro fans are staring over, there are plenty of gestures going both ways. Goalscorer Roque runs back to the halfway line and waves at us, as a new chant starts - "You'd better watch out, You'd better beware, He's good on the ground and he's good in the air, Santa Cruz is coming...to town". Belted out, it sounds like the entire stadium is singing, although of course 95% of them are glumly looking over at you.
The players are rejuvenated - with the Rovers fans in full voice again and the home side rattled, it's all Blackburn. Another change, as Roberts goes off, and on comes 21 year old Blackburn-born striker Matt Derbyshire. Before the game he was chatting to friends in the stand, and as he runs on we chant his name. Amazingly, moments later he scores too - a wonder goal from the edge of the penalty area, lifted into the far corner of the net. All the players pause, not quite believing it, as it's Derbyshire's first contribution. In an instant, he starts running over to his friends as you go mental again, jumping up and down in the arms of the bloke next to you. All ten outfield Blackburn players are down celebrating with Derbyshire, who falls over trying a fancy celebration. It's tough to describe without sounding corny, but at that moment it's all you're concentrating on, and the group of people around you are ecstatic, punching the air and screaming. Nothing else seems to matter.
But it's not over yet as the long injury break means there's many minutes of added time. Buoyed on by the home fans, who in their desperation have become louder, they mount attack after attack - winning 13 corners over the course of the game. But Rovers hold on, and the feeling of relief when the whistle goes is almost unbeatable. More jumping around and cheering, and waving at the Boro fans as they make for the exits. Manager Mark Hughes points to us, telling his players to go and give their thanks - but many are already on their way. We mimic them as they applaud us, hands above their heads. As each one arrives, we chant his name, pointing at Brad Friedel as we do so, in a 'we're not worthy' style. It must look amazing from their perspective. Matt Derbyshire waits for his friends to come down, and he gets a great reception. Wait until the last one of them leaves, and then make for the exit.
Outside, huge crowds of people walking in every direction, most of them bitterly disappointed. But not you. The 4hr journey home doesn't seem so bad now, and your hands are still shaking, voice slightly going, as you join the throngs of red-shirted fans heading for the station.
Official Blackburn Rovers website
Middlesbrough 1 Blackburn Rovers 2 [BBC]
Video of Matt Derbyshire's winner [with Turkish commentary]
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Royal Mail - you've made the list
What does this mean to some people? Kerr-ching!
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and they were saying that this blog is always positive and full of the good things - but what about the negative? I guess most regular readers would know that I like travelling, pies, and so forth, but not what pisses me off. Well in a week where the Royal Mail have been dicking us about by not delivering mail - especially those of us waiting on birthday cards and important football tickets, they have been quite rightly added to the list. Why do people think "stuff gets lost in the post all the time. Hey, it's unfortunate, but what can you do?" I tell you what you can do, you can stop using the bloody Royal Mail, that's what you can do. I paid £25 for the ticket for Saturday's opening Rovers match at Middlesbrough and it mysteriously fails to arrive. Shower of bastards.
What else annoys me? Pointless film remakes. There. Hairspray is out now in the UK, a re-working of the musical from 2002, that was based on the original film of 1988. Why? What's the point? The new 2007 version cost $75m to make. Seventy five million dollars. If it had never been made, would the world be a worse place, even in the slightest? Not all all. A screenwriter redrafts a 19yr old script, John Travolta parks his 767 at the fat-suit modellers, and 117 minutes of vapid 'entertainment' is lazily transferred onto celluloid. And I don't just mean to pick on Hairspray - do we really, honestly, need a new Superman? A new King Kong? What about a new Evil Dead, a new 12 Angry Men, a new Bullitt? How can they possibly be any better? This is why I don't go to the cinema.
TV adverts that are on every commercial break make me want to throw things. "What do trees mean to you?" I must have seen that a dozen times tonight and I still couldn't tell you what it's selling. I tell you what trees mean to me - clearly they are intrinsic to the functioning of a balanced ecosystem, they provide food, shelter and numerous other products to humans and animals, they look rather nice, sometimes things get stuck in them, I fell out of one once, some of them flower in the summer, and others get decorated in the winter, they make a hell of a sound when they fall over, and I always seem to get my golf ball stuck behind one. That's what trees mean to me, you ponytailed advertising morons. And while we're on the subject, who puts greek yoghurt on their Weetabix? Who?
What else? What about....people talking on phones on public transport? I know many people hate others wearing headphones and tinny music - but I wonder if those people had ever thought that the entire coach/carriage/bus doesn't really care what you got up to at the weekend? I'll be happy to listen to my iPod and forget you can even speak, you vacuous idiots. If you're meeting up with your friends tonight, why do you need to tell them now things you're going to repeat later? And don't read Harry Potter if you're over 20, for god's sake. Read Moby Dick or The Big Sleep, or something. Oh, and if you like to walk out of shops into busy pavements and promptly stop without warning, don't be surprised when you get crashed into by pedestrians who actually know where they are going and yet can think clearly about other things at the same time. And don't have a go at traffic wardens, they aren't the problem. Wankers who park illegally and get annoyed when they get caught are.
I'm going on a bit here, so I'll summarise the rest. Sick people smoking - every day at the hospital I see them lined up outside the cancer centre puffing away, getting ever nearer to becoming a statistic on my database...People who speed up to nip through traffic lights, as if they can't spare twenty seconds of their fabulously important existances...Currys Digital - it is seriously the worst shop known to humanity - I never thought I'd find somewhere that makes PC World look like Selfridges...Fernando Alonso, who left Renault F1 because he wanted a challenge and now can't handle it, nine races in...Charity collectors who come in pubs - controversial maybe, but I give money to charity, I shouldn't be cornered in a pub...Pretentious Edinburgh festival pillocks...Mixing raisins with nuts - fantastic on their own, but who dreamed up the idea of combining them in bags? And in chocolate?...The Premiership 'big four', there are 88 other league teams you know, as much as I like reading about Chelsea and Man Utd every day...Shitty badly talented musical artists landing record deals when far-more talented people I know have not...Anyone who reads the Daily Mail...Rugby...Dogs...I think that's it. Thanks for listening...
[edit - definately not on the list are the good people at Blackburn Rovers FC, who I phoned about my missing ticket. They have faxed Middlesbrough and asked them to print me a duplicate ticket I can pick up at the stadium on the day of the match. See Royal Mail? That's called Customer Service.]
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and they were saying that this blog is always positive and full of the good things - but what about the negative? I guess most regular readers would know that I like travelling, pies, and so forth, but not what pisses me off. Well in a week where the Royal Mail have been dicking us about by not delivering mail - especially those of us waiting on birthday cards and important football tickets, they have been quite rightly added to the list. Why do people think "stuff gets lost in the post all the time. Hey, it's unfortunate, but what can you do?" I tell you what you can do, you can stop using the bloody Royal Mail, that's what you can do. I paid £25 for the ticket for Saturday's opening Rovers match at Middlesbrough and it mysteriously fails to arrive. Shower of bastards.
What else annoys me? Pointless film remakes. There. Hairspray is out now in the UK, a re-working of the musical from 2002, that was based on the original film of 1988. Why? What's the point? The new 2007 version cost $75m to make. Seventy five million dollars. If it had never been made, would the world be a worse place, even in the slightest? Not all all. A screenwriter redrafts a 19yr old script, John Travolta parks his 767 at the fat-suit modellers, and 117 minutes of vapid 'entertainment' is lazily transferred onto celluloid. And I don't just mean to pick on Hairspray - do we really, honestly, need a new Superman? A new King Kong? What about a new Evil Dead, a new 12 Angry Men, a new Bullitt? How can they possibly be any better? This is why I don't go to the cinema.
TV adverts that are on every commercial break make me want to throw things. "What do trees mean to you?" I must have seen that a dozen times tonight and I still couldn't tell you what it's selling. I tell you what trees mean to me - clearly they are intrinsic to the functioning of a balanced ecosystem, they provide food, shelter and numerous other products to humans and animals, they look rather nice, sometimes things get stuck in them, I fell out of one once, some of them flower in the summer, and others get decorated in the winter, they make a hell of a sound when they fall over, and I always seem to get my golf ball stuck behind one. That's what trees mean to me, you ponytailed advertising morons. And while we're on the subject, who puts greek yoghurt on their Weetabix? Who?
What else? What about....people talking on phones on public transport? I know many people hate others wearing headphones and tinny music - but I wonder if those people had ever thought that the entire coach/carriage/bus doesn't really care what you got up to at the weekend? I'll be happy to listen to my iPod and forget you can even speak, you vacuous idiots. If you're meeting up with your friends tonight, why do you need to tell them now things you're going to repeat later? And don't read Harry Potter if you're over 20, for god's sake. Read Moby Dick or The Big Sleep, or something. Oh, and if you like to walk out of shops into busy pavements and promptly stop without warning, don't be surprised when you get crashed into by pedestrians who actually know where they are going and yet can think clearly about other things at the same time. And don't have a go at traffic wardens, they aren't the problem. Wankers who park illegally and get annoyed when they get caught are.
I'm going on a bit here, so I'll summarise the rest. Sick people smoking - every day at the hospital I see them lined up outside the cancer centre puffing away, getting ever nearer to becoming a statistic on my database...People who speed up to nip through traffic lights, as if they can't spare twenty seconds of their fabulously important existances...Currys Digital - it is seriously the worst shop known to humanity - I never thought I'd find somewhere that makes PC World look like Selfridges...Fernando Alonso, who left Renault F1 because he wanted a challenge and now can't handle it, nine races in...Charity collectors who come in pubs - controversial maybe, but I give money to charity, I shouldn't be cornered in a pub...Pretentious Edinburgh festival pillocks...Mixing raisins with nuts - fantastic on their own, but who dreamed up the idea of combining them in bags? And in chocolate?...The Premiership 'big four', there are 88 other league teams you know, as much as I like reading about Chelsea and Man Utd every day...Shitty badly talented musical artists landing record deals when far-more talented people I know have not...Anyone who reads the Daily Mail...Rugby...Dogs...I think that's it. Thanks for listening...
[edit - definately not on the list are the good people at Blackburn Rovers FC, who I phoned about my missing ticket. They have faxed Middlesbrough and asked them to print me a duplicate ticket I can pick up at the stadium on the day of the match. See Royal Mail? That's called Customer Service.]
Friday, August 03, 2007
Another year...
Thanks for all your birthday wishes and cards, I've taken the day off work today - I really think your birthday should be a free holiday if it falls during the week (someone start a petition!). I'm out doing some of the finer things in life - golfing in the sunshine, drinking with friends, that kind of thing. A far cry from 2006 when I was in Boston for my 30th and melting in the heatwave; or 2005, when I was treated to a fancy lunch by my Sydney workmates. But 2007 can be special in other ways - like the Queen, I've decided to commission a painting of myself. Only instead of Rolf Harris, I got my old mate Matt Groening to immortalise me...
SimpsonSizeMe
Sunday, July 29, 2007
The Real Seven Wonders
1. The Great Wall of China
This is one that nobody can argue with - not even the highly dodgy text vote denied the Great Wall a place in the New Seven Wonders - although the fact that it exists in the most populous country on Earth can't have hurt it. The largest and longest human-built structure ever, it stretches for 4000 miles along the arc of Inner Mongolia. I've not been there, but it's certainly on my list. Rather naievely I thought there was just one, but apparently there have been a few constructed over the years, the most famous and well-preserved being that from the Ming Dynasty, built after they were walloped by the Mongols in 1449. Sadly, the fact that you can see it from the moon is completely wrong - the smallest individual landmark recongisable is Australia - and even from space it's tough to spot, American astronaut William Pogue thought he spotted it from Skylab, but was later told he was peering intently at a canal in Beijing.
2. Kyoto Station
Next time you're struggling across Birmingham New Street, just think it could be far more difficult. Kyoto station is a vast monument to Japan's favourite pastime - travel - and is one of the country's largest buildings (although amazingly not the largest station, Nagoya's is even mightier). Thirty-five platforms for above-ground trains, plus all the subway going on underneath, it also has 15 floors of shops and offices on top, all enclosed in a gleaming cubical structure that boggles the mind. Opened in 1997 to commemorate Kyoto's 1200th anniversary, it sits uneasily with many locals in their genteel, historic city. But arriving on the Shinkansen and walking into the arrivals hall, it's incredible. You just keep looking up...and up...and up. In the photo above, each kink in the escalator at the top is a separate storey. If the Death Star had a train station, it would look like this.
3. The Nazca Lines
Or as UNESCO has them, the "Lines and Geoglyphs of Nasca and Pampas de Jumana". I'm amazed these drawings weren't on the shortlist of the New Seven wonders thing, they certainly should be. This monkey is 100m across, and is one of the most famous of the figures. The Nazcans removed the dark coloured stones and then trampled the undersoil to give the white outline - but why is a complete mystery. Loony 'experts' have tried to reason that they are the work of alien spacecraft and so forth, as they seem to have been made to be seen from the air, a viewpoint the Nazcans could not have had (which I've got to say is a good point). There are several hundred lines, and seventy recognisable figures, all spread over an area of 200 miles (including a whale - not often seen in a Peruvian desert), and the most widely-held view is that they were parts of a religious ceremony relating to water and crops. And monkeys.
4. Preston Bus Station
'Brutalist Architecture' gets a tough press. The 1960's spawned many a concrete monstrosity, but all that was forgiven in 1968 when the sleepy Lancastrian county town woke up to find this for a transport hub. Preston Bus Station, the longest in Europe (take that, Bratislava!), certainly the most confusing to the eye - it looks like it goes off into the horizon for a thousand miles. It has a capacity for 80 double-decker buses and 1100 cars, with the scalloped edging protecting people from the frequent elements as they wait. Appallingly, this wonder is scheduled for demolition, as it's old and hard to get to, and not 'functional'. Well, neither are the Nazca Lines, Preston City Council - would you demolish those too? Save Preston Bus Station!! (local fact - there's actually no number 40 service, the bus parked there will be an additional 35 service to Tanterton waiting for the correct bay to become free).
5. Fushimi-Inari Taisha
Inari is the Shinto god of rice, and as such in Japan there are shrines to him everywhere - but none more stunning than the Fushimi Inari shrine south of Kyoto. The vermilion-coloured torii gates are instantly recognisable symbols of Japan, and mark the entrance to a sacred spot - just one, usually. Fushimi has tens of thousands, stretched over a wooded hill en route to the shrine. They are squashed in, touching each other, like orange dominos - it would take you two hours to walk under them all. I went there one evening in 2005, when the light was just going, and wandered up the hill through this tunnel for about an hour, catching glimpses of trees, lanterns, and small statues of foxes (Inari's messengers), but only glimpses, it was like walking along a mine tunnel. I don't have a spiritual bone in me, but it was utterly breathtaking.
6. Bully's Prize Board
Just think about this one - it had a dart board, a question board, and the prize board - and in the time it took to revolve many rash decisions were made. Of course, they were all either prefaced with "Well Jim, we've had a lovely day..." (take the prizes), or "Well Jim, we came here with nothing..." (gamble!). But would you take a chance at 101 or more with six darts (non-dart player to throw first), and risk losing your Grundig hifi, spin dryer, and set of patio furniture? You've got all the time in the world to throw that first dart - but if it goes wrong, Jim shows you - and he hates to, but he has to - he shows you what you could have won. And when that beige Austin Maestro, or sparkling speedboat is wheeled out, and the studio audience groan, you've got nothing but your tankards and bully's, and your BFH to show for it. But that is the gamble of Bullseye...
7. Scarlett Johansson
I suppose techincally she would be a natural wonder of the world...
Satellite images of the Great Wall of China
YouTube clip from the top of Preston Bus Station
Bullseye on Wikipedia
Photographs of Fushimi Inari Taisha
DUaB's Seven Wonders of Scotland
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Ant Day
In time honoured fashion, today being about a week shy of my birthday and surprisingly humid, it was Ant Day. The single mass event when silky-winged females pile out of colonies and bumble around on the pavements always seems to happen at this time. So to celebrate, here's a post in their short-lived honour...
Trap-jaw ant
Ants are found in almost every habitat on Earth, and in some numbers - there are an estimated 1,000 trillion ants living on the planet at any given moment, representing 11,800 known species. The total weight of all ants on the planet roughly equal the weight of us humans. Articles like this one prove how spectacular they can be. The Trap-jaw Ant springs it's mouthparts shut at over 100kmh (60mph), the fastest recorded moving predatory body part in the animal kingdom (now there's an awards ceremony to avoid). In typical adaptive fashion, the ants don't just use this to impress lady ants, they use it to move around. The ants sometimes bite the ground, the force of which pings them upwards and launches them several centimetres. They are too light to be injured by the fall - the equivalent of us jumping hundreds of feet - and don't just do it move around, the 'popcorn' effect of many leaping ants confuses would-be predators.
The trap is sprung
Ants also dominate the other land-living invertebrates, making up one-third of the global insect biomass. In tropical rainforests they can compromise an amazing 15% of the total biomass of animals found there. They can be as tiny as the millimeter-long Oligomyrmex atomus or as big as the 1.5 inch-long Dinoponera. We've all seen nature documentaries of rampaging tides of jungle Army Ants wiping clean strips of forest floor, causing even large mammals to flee before them. But there are other, more inventive ways these creatures catch their dinner. Some of them construct elaborate 'torture chambers', using a specially-cultivated fungus. Allomerus decemarticulatus, only 2mm long, cut hairs from the stem of the plant they inhabit, and weave the fibres into a spongy snare which they glue into place using the sticky mould. The ants nibble small holes in this fake platform, and a worker sits patiently in each, jaws at the ready. Anything landing on the 'branch' with thin enough legs is immediately grabbed, and pulled into several holes at once, trapping it. Other ants then swarm out from under the platform and butcher the victim, which has been stretched out like on a medieval rack. First reported in Nature, there are amazing pictures of the behaviour here.
Gliding Ant
Ants evolved from the Vespoid group of wasps in the Cretaceous period about 120 to 170 million years ago. Only about 1 in 10 genera alive then is extinct now. To become such a successful group of animals, you need to be intelligent and able to adapt to your habitat. Ants commonly live in trees, scampering in orderly lines along branches. If they fall, or are knocked off (or flicked off by scientists), they face almost certain death alone on the forest floor prowled by many predators not found in the canopy. So one type of ant has evolved a large head (nicknamed the 'Darth Vader' ant) to combat this - and teeth to get back at the scientists (photo above). The ant falls for a few metres, then swivels in the air to orient it's abdomen towards the tree trunk. The air flowing over the large head slows down the tumbling ant, and swing it's trajectory inwards, causing it to sail back to the tree and land safely. This is the first documented example of gliding flight in a living wingless insect, and the first record of intentional backwards gliding in any animal. Link
Tandem running in action
While many types of animals can learn behaviors by imitating other animals, ants may be the only group of animals besides mammals in which interactive teaching behavior has been observed. When Temnothorax albipennis forager ants find a food source they scuttle back to the nest and grab a hivemate. They then lead the new ant to the food in a process called 'tandem running'. The ant in front darts off to the food, but the new ant slows up now and again to fix it's positon by spotting landmarks. The first ant has to keep stopping and waiting to be caught up - having it's legs tapped when the second ant has memorised where it is and is ready to continue. This takes far longer than if the sole ant ran backwards and forwards to the food - but now two ants know where it is, and often the followers become guides to other ants in turn, and soon the colony as a whole knows where the booty is. The teamwork these creatures show is amazing. Sometimes they decide the foodstuff is too juicy to adopt this clever but costly technique, and returning ants simply grab another and carry it on it's back to the goodies. The second ant won't know the route to the prize, but the ants will get there quickly and secure their food before other colonies arrive to claim it. This remarkable adaptability sets ant apart. If they ever learn to use guns and drive tanks, we're done for...
Why ants rule the world
Ants on Wikipedia
Ant photos
Trap-jaw ant
Ants are found in almost every habitat on Earth, and in some numbers - there are an estimated 1,000 trillion ants living on the planet at any given moment, representing 11,800 known species. The total weight of all ants on the planet roughly equal the weight of us humans. Articles like this one prove how spectacular they can be. The Trap-jaw Ant springs it's mouthparts shut at over 100kmh (60mph), the fastest recorded moving predatory body part in the animal kingdom (now there's an awards ceremony to avoid). In typical adaptive fashion, the ants don't just use this to impress lady ants, they use it to move around. The ants sometimes bite the ground, the force of which pings them upwards and launches them several centimetres. They are too light to be injured by the fall - the equivalent of us jumping hundreds of feet - and don't just do it move around, the 'popcorn' effect of many leaping ants confuses would-be predators.
The trap is sprung
Ants also dominate the other land-living invertebrates, making up one-third of the global insect biomass. In tropical rainforests they can compromise an amazing 15% of the total biomass of animals found there. They can be as tiny as the millimeter-long Oligomyrmex atomus or as big as the 1.5 inch-long Dinoponera. We've all seen nature documentaries of rampaging tides of jungle Army Ants wiping clean strips of forest floor, causing even large mammals to flee before them. But there are other, more inventive ways these creatures catch their dinner. Some of them construct elaborate 'torture chambers', using a specially-cultivated fungus. Allomerus decemarticulatus, only 2mm long, cut hairs from the stem of the plant they inhabit, and weave the fibres into a spongy snare which they glue into place using the sticky mould. The ants nibble small holes in this fake platform, and a worker sits patiently in each, jaws at the ready. Anything landing on the 'branch' with thin enough legs is immediately grabbed, and pulled into several holes at once, trapping it. Other ants then swarm out from under the platform and butcher the victim, which has been stretched out like on a medieval rack. First reported in Nature, there are amazing pictures of the behaviour here.
Gliding Ant
Ants evolved from the Vespoid group of wasps in the Cretaceous period about 120 to 170 million years ago. Only about 1 in 10 genera alive then is extinct now. To become such a successful group of animals, you need to be intelligent and able to adapt to your habitat. Ants commonly live in trees, scampering in orderly lines along branches. If they fall, or are knocked off (or flicked off by scientists), they face almost certain death alone on the forest floor prowled by many predators not found in the canopy. So one type of ant has evolved a large head (nicknamed the 'Darth Vader' ant) to combat this - and teeth to get back at the scientists (photo above). The ant falls for a few metres, then swivels in the air to orient it's abdomen towards the tree trunk. The air flowing over the large head slows down the tumbling ant, and swing it's trajectory inwards, causing it to sail back to the tree and land safely. This is the first documented example of gliding flight in a living wingless insect, and the first record of intentional backwards gliding in any animal. Link
Tandem running in action
While many types of animals can learn behaviors by imitating other animals, ants may be the only group of animals besides mammals in which interactive teaching behavior has been observed. When Temnothorax albipennis forager ants find a food source they scuttle back to the nest and grab a hivemate. They then lead the new ant to the food in a process called 'tandem running'. The ant in front darts off to the food, but the new ant slows up now and again to fix it's positon by spotting landmarks. The first ant has to keep stopping and waiting to be caught up - having it's legs tapped when the second ant has memorised where it is and is ready to continue. This takes far longer than if the sole ant ran backwards and forwards to the food - but now two ants know where it is, and often the followers become guides to other ants in turn, and soon the colony as a whole knows where the booty is. The teamwork these creatures show is amazing. Sometimes they decide the foodstuff is too juicy to adopt this clever but costly technique, and returning ants simply grab another and carry it on it's back to the goodies. The second ant won't know the route to the prize, but the ants will get there quickly and secure their food before other colonies arrive to claim it. This remarkable adaptability sets ant apart. If they ever learn to use guns and drive tanks, we're done for...
Why ants rule the world
Ants on Wikipedia
Ant photos
Thursday, July 19, 2007
What's the time?
Shinsoku
6:35, in case you were wondering. Ever since the days of the clunky calculator watches in the mid-80's, which had buttons so tiny they were practically impossible, crazy timepieces have come of age. One of the best exponents are Tokyo Flash, who supply online the wackier end of the market from Japan. The Shinsoku - as with many others - comes with a booklet describing how to read the hours and minutes. Handy, especially if someone asks you what the time is and you just stand there with a furrowed brow saying things like "Er. It's...erm...er". The red LED lights are hours, the green 15mins, and the yellow single minutes. Six red + 2 green + 5 yellow = 6:35. Morning or evening you can probably work out yourself. Shinsoku
The JLr7
10:37. No, I have no idea how, either. This beauty is from geometric designers Eri & Eiichi, and wouldn't look out of place on the green-blooded wrist of the boldly-going Mr Spock. The L-shaped digital bits light up to reveal the time - and I had to stare at the pictures like someone doing one of those colourblindness tests (which I always fail), before I could see that some of the L's are blue. The dark grey markings distinguish these sections, as the hour is represented by ten blue L segments at the top of the watch. Rather brilliantly, "Between 6pm & Midnight the watch animates automatically every 15 mins to give the effect that it is malfunctioning (this feature can be turned off)". Just be careful when setting the alarm. JLr7
Neatnik by Alba
2:58. This one's almost a doddle by comparison - a limited edition of only 1000 made by Alba. I mention it because it's 2cm across the face. Make a little square with your fingers 2cm in size. You could probably wear it on your finger. Neatnik
Titan
11:52am. A space theme to the Titan watch from S-Mode, the lights don't spin or move, they just sit there glowing like distant planets. The large outer ring are hours - and unusually for Japanese watches it's actually the same layout as on a standard clockface. The inner square is ten-minute intervals, the other small circle individual minutes, and the larger square AM or PM. You know, I think I'm getting the hang of this. Titan
Star Performer
Ah. Still with the space theme, Star Performer lights up one column for each number, so 07:34 would have the 0, the 7, the 3 and the 4 illuminated in turn. Amusingly, as this is made by a company called Pimp watches, the flashes and craziness are ramped to the extreme. According to their explanation, "The Pimp mode light up function lights up all the lights in a fireworks like manner and automatically turns on at 7:00 PM and turns off at 1:00 AM (It can not be switched off). Gives the watch a look like it is malfunctioning, very cool!" Translation - be prepared to answer the question "Why is your watch doing that?" every night of every day. Star Performer
LED from Binary watches
Pass. A binary LED watch - and who doesn't love telling the time in binary? As the website says, this is a geek's dream. I have absolutely no idea how to work it though. I'll leave it to them to explain how to tell the time. "It couldn't get any geekier than this, you've got to love it. How to read time : Hours addition : 3rd LED +4th LED (from Left) = 2 + 1 = 3. Minutes addition : 1st LED+ 3rd LED ( from Left) = 32 + 8 = 40 => 03:40". Righto. Things have come a long way since the Casio digital watch... LED
Tokyo Flash
6:35, in case you were wondering. Ever since the days of the clunky calculator watches in the mid-80's, which had buttons so tiny they were practically impossible, crazy timepieces have come of age. One of the best exponents are Tokyo Flash, who supply online the wackier end of the market from Japan. The Shinsoku - as with many others - comes with a booklet describing how to read the hours and minutes. Handy, especially if someone asks you what the time is and you just stand there with a furrowed brow saying things like "Er. It's...erm...er". The red LED lights are hours, the green 15mins, and the yellow single minutes. Six red + 2 green + 5 yellow = 6:35. Morning or evening you can probably work out yourself. Shinsoku
The JLr7
10:37. No, I have no idea how, either. This beauty is from geometric designers Eri & Eiichi, and wouldn't look out of place on the green-blooded wrist of the boldly-going Mr Spock. The L-shaped digital bits light up to reveal the time - and I had to stare at the pictures like someone doing one of those colourblindness tests (which I always fail), before I could see that some of the L's are blue. The dark grey markings distinguish these sections, as the hour is represented by ten blue L segments at the top of the watch. Rather brilliantly, "Between 6pm & Midnight the watch animates automatically every 15 mins to give the effect that it is malfunctioning (this feature can be turned off)". Just be careful when setting the alarm. JLr7
Neatnik by Alba
2:58. This one's almost a doddle by comparison - a limited edition of only 1000 made by Alba. I mention it because it's 2cm across the face. Make a little square with your fingers 2cm in size. You could probably wear it on your finger. Neatnik
Titan
11:52am. A space theme to the Titan watch from S-Mode, the lights don't spin or move, they just sit there glowing like distant planets. The large outer ring are hours - and unusually for Japanese watches it's actually the same layout as on a standard clockface. The inner square is ten-minute intervals, the other small circle individual minutes, and the larger square AM or PM. You know, I think I'm getting the hang of this. Titan
Star Performer
Ah. Still with the space theme, Star Performer lights up one column for each number, so 07:34 would have the 0, the 7, the 3 and the 4 illuminated in turn. Amusingly, as this is made by a company called Pimp watches, the flashes and craziness are ramped to the extreme. According to their explanation, "The Pimp mode light up function lights up all the lights in a fireworks like manner and automatically turns on at 7:00 PM and turns off at 1:00 AM (It can not be switched off). Gives the watch a look like it is malfunctioning, very cool!" Translation - be prepared to answer the question "Why is your watch doing that?" every night of every day. Star Performer
LED from Binary watches
Pass. A binary LED watch - and who doesn't love telling the time in binary? As the website says, this is a geek's dream. I have absolutely no idea how to work it though. I'll leave it to them to explain how to tell the time. "It couldn't get any geekier than this, you've got to love it. How to read time : Hours addition : 3rd LED +4th LED (from Left) = 2 + 1 = 3. Minutes addition : 1st LED+ 3rd LED ( from Left) = 32 + 8 = 40 => 03:40". Righto. Things have come a long way since the Casio digital watch... LED
Tokyo Flash
Sunday, July 15, 2007
The New 7 Wonders
On my list, not theirs...
It's now a week since the glitzy spectacular at the home ground of Benfica announced the 'new' wonders of the world. In case you missed it, the lucky seven are:-
The Great Wall of China
The stone city of Petra
Christ the Redeemer, Rio de Janeiro
Machu Picchu
Chichen Itza, Mexico
The Colosseum, Rome
The Taj Mahal
Reaction has been decidedly mixed - whilst the organisers claim an unmitigated success, with over 100 million votes cast, critics have weighed in from all directions. The Egyptians are still piqued about the original inclusion of the Giza pyramids, UNESCO are seething that this 'competition' has run against their lengthy world heritage listings, and of course representatives of the losers are wondering how the top 7 made it. In fact, the people responsible for looking after two of the winners - the Chichen Itza ruins in Mexico and Machu Picchu in Peru - have described their fears at escalating visitor traffic leading to increased erosion.
As I said in my previous post, the voting was decidedly sketchy in places. The voting was conducted for free online, or by SMS messaging, which was unlimited but with a charge. Block votes could be bought by any individual, organisation or government. The situation in Brazil was a good example of what happened - according to an investigation by Newsweek, Brazilian banks spent millions of dollars buying votes, and the Brazilian telecommunications sector waived the fee for telephone voters to get public support. At one point, every Rio resident with a phone got a text asking them to send a free vote for their local nominee. 10 million votes later, the statue of Christ the Redeemer was a New Wonder of the World.
Actually, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. Holding a public vote - accessible only by those with phones or the internet - is such a baseless way of conducting a survey that it encourages the wealthy and clever to come out on top. The Queen of Jordan repetedly went on television there urging her people to vote for the stone city of Petra. In the end, 14m votes were recorded from the country (which has a population of 7 million). I can never imagine her doing so, but if our Queen went on primetime asking us to vote for Stonehenge, it would have received far more votes. But she was too busy storming out of photo shoots (or not). This kind of thing always happens in public votes - we got an email round at work requesting our votes for one of the contestants on the BBC's Joseph talent show thing, because his cousin worked in our building (or something). Any dream will have to do for him, as he didn't win.
But assuming I did value the New7 exercise, I think I would probably have voted for the following:-
The Great Wall - impossible to argue with this choice
The Taj Mahal - the story alone would be enough, I think
Machu Picchu - I've not been there but it looks impressive
Easter Island Moais - baffling as to how they didn't get in the list
Stonehenge - older than the original seven wonders
Eiffel Tower - it defines one of the world's greatest cities
The Sydney Opera House - I used to walk past it on the way to work
There you go, I think the best anyone can ay about the New7 contest is that it was a harmless exercise. Ignoring the widespread buying of block votes, of course. As I predicted last time, on opening the travel guide in yesterday's weekend paper, there was an article about the stone city of Petra, one of 'the new seven wonders of the world'. All the New7 might get more visitors as a result, but I don't think any of the losers will get substantially fewer - and this might suit a lot of them, as tourists increase everywhere. Still, it got people talking and gave me something to write about, I guess. Next time it's my much anticipated 'real' seven wonders of the world - I'm still waiting for the votes to come in...(and if any representatives of Blackburn Rovers are reading, I'd be willing to include Ewood Park in my top 7 in exchange for free tickets).
Oh, and with blinding inevitability, the New7 organisers used the glittering finale to announce a fresh competition - to find the New Seven Wonders of the Natural World. It closes on the 8th of August 2008, so get those texting fingers ready!
It's now a week since the glitzy spectacular at the home ground of Benfica announced the 'new' wonders of the world. In case you missed it, the lucky seven are:-
The Great Wall of China
The stone city of Petra
Christ the Redeemer, Rio de Janeiro
Machu Picchu
Chichen Itza, Mexico
The Colosseum, Rome
The Taj Mahal
Reaction has been decidedly mixed - whilst the organisers claim an unmitigated success, with over 100 million votes cast, critics have weighed in from all directions. The Egyptians are still piqued about the original inclusion of the Giza pyramids, UNESCO are seething that this 'competition' has run against their lengthy world heritage listings, and of course representatives of the losers are wondering how the top 7 made it. In fact, the people responsible for looking after two of the winners - the Chichen Itza ruins in Mexico and Machu Picchu in Peru - have described their fears at escalating visitor traffic leading to increased erosion.
As I said in my previous post, the voting was decidedly sketchy in places. The voting was conducted for free online, or by SMS messaging, which was unlimited but with a charge. Block votes could be bought by any individual, organisation or government. The situation in Brazil was a good example of what happened - according to an investigation by Newsweek, Brazilian banks spent millions of dollars buying votes, and the Brazilian telecommunications sector waived the fee for telephone voters to get public support. At one point, every Rio resident with a phone got a text asking them to send a free vote for their local nominee. 10 million votes later, the statue of Christ the Redeemer was a New Wonder of the World.
Actually, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. Holding a public vote - accessible only by those with phones or the internet - is such a baseless way of conducting a survey that it encourages the wealthy and clever to come out on top. The Queen of Jordan repetedly went on television there urging her people to vote for the stone city of Petra. In the end, 14m votes were recorded from the country (which has a population of 7 million). I can never imagine her doing so, but if our Queen went on primetime asking us to vote for Stonehenge, it would have received far more votes. But she was too busy storming out of photo shoots (or not). This kind of thing always happens in public votes - we got an email round at work requesting our votes for one of the contestants on the BBC's Joseph talent show thing, because his cousin worked in our building (or something). Any dream will have to do for him, as he didn't win.
But assuming I did value the New7 exercise, I think I would probably have voted for the following:-
The Great Wall - impossible to argue with this choice
The Taj Mahal - the story alone would be enough, I think
Machu Picchu - I've not been there but it looks impressive
Easter Island Moais - baffling as to how they didn't get in the list
Stonehenge - older than the original seven wonders
Eiffel Tower - it defines one of the world's greatest cities
The Sydney Opera House - I used to walk past it on the way to work
There you go, I think the best anyone can ay about the New7 contest is that it was a harmless exercise. Ignoring the widespread buying of block votes, of course. As I predicted last time, on opening the travel guide in yesterday's weekend paper, there was an article about the stone city of Petra, one of 'the new seven wonders of the world'. All the New7 might get more visitors as a result, but I don't think any of the losers will get substantially fewer - and this might suit a lot of them, as tourists increase everywhere. Still, it got people talking and gave me something to write about, I guess. Next time it's my much anticipated 'real' seven wonders of the world - I'm still waiting for the votes to come in...(and if any representatives of Blackburn Rovers are reading, I'd be willing to include Ewood Park in my top 7 in exchange for free tickets).
Oh, and with blinding inevitability, the New7 organisers used the glittering finale to announce a fresh competition - to find the New Seven Wonders of the Natural World. It closes on the 8th of August 2008, so get those texting fingers ready!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
The Argyll Coast
Shell Beach just outside the Argyll fishing port of Tarbert. I've just come back from a long weekend of golfing and drinking, with a bit of wandering around thrown in. We had classic Scottish weather - everything from continuous heavy rain to dazzling sunshine. Tarbert is famous for it's seafood, and the apparently famous annual seafood festival happened one day before we arrived. This picture was taken on Sunday, when a stop for something to eat on a beach gave a great opportunity for photos.
Opportunities like this - an unfortunate crab that came to a swift end at the claws of an otter or seabird, or something. Artfully arranged, of course, as it was scattered over the rocks on the beach. In the background is the flat blueness of Loch Fyne, which at 40 miles long is one of the biggest in Scotland. At any one time you can see seals, otters, dolphins, eagles and basking sharks here - but for us, just a highly separated crab.
The town is seemingly surrounded by lochs, with West Loch Tarbert only a short hop over the hill. This is one of the three golf courses we played over the weekend, and the most picturesque by far. The land bridge between these two long sea lochs is only about a mile - probably one of the reasons Tarbert was started in that location. Vikings used to portage their longboats across this course on their way from sea to sea.
Further up the Argyll coast is Crinan, another stunning village. Loch Fyne is connected to Loch Crinan here with a quaint canal. Nine miles long, it connects the village of Ardrishaig on Loch Gilp with the Sound of Jura, giving boats a quick route between the Clyde and the Inner Hebrides. Otherwise, it's a long detour south around the Mull of Kintyre. There are few better spots for a Sunday lunch than the Crinan hotel, watching the fancy boats struggle through the lochs over a few pints and some local seafood.
Of course, it was Scotland, so the sunny weather only lasted so long...
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Seven of the best
The Eiffel Tower needs your help! (or not)
The world will never be quite the same after this weekend. A lavish ceremony resembling the opening night of the Olympic Games will be held in Portugal to reveal the final results of (currently) 70 million public votes. The New Seven Wonders of the World will be presented to the grateful global populace (with a couple of significant objectors - but more on them later) with all the pomp of the Eurovision song contest. Brainchild of Swiss industrialist Bernard Weber and his 'New Open World Corporation' - who sound like the evil media empire Pierce Brosnan toppled in Tomorrow Never Dies - the New 7 (as they are abbreviated) will join the other rollcalls of whopping majesty on the 7th of July in Lisbon.
There are more of those than you would think, too. The Seven Ancient Wonders, of course, and the Seven Natural Wonders (Grand Canyon, Barrier Reef, Rio harbour, Mount Everest, the polar aurora, ParÃcutin volcano and the Victoria Falls). There's the Seven Wonders of the Middle Ages (Stonehenge, Colosseum, Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa (?), Great Wall of China, Porcelain Tower at Nanjing, the Hagia Sophia, and the leaning tower of Pisa), the Seven Wonders of the Modern World (the Channel Tunnel, CN Tower, Empire State Building, Golden Gate Bridge, Itaipu Dam, Panama Canal, and the Dutch land reclamation works), and the Seven Underwater Wonders (Palau, the Great Barrier Reef, the Beleize Barrier Reef, undersea vents, the Galapagos Islands, Lake Baikal, the Northern Red Sea).
So why do we need another list? Well - we don't, according to the universally accepted guardians of the world's wonders, UNESCO. They released a stinging statement at their recent meeting in Christchurch (during which they elevated 21 more sites to World Heritage status - now making 851). It read ...There is no comparison between Mr Weber’s mediatised campaign and the scientific and educational work resulting from the inscription of sites on UNESCO’s World Heritage List. The list of the “7 New Wonders of the World” will be the result of a private undertaking, reflecting only the opinions of those with access to the internet and not the entire world. This initiative cannot, in any significant and sustainable manner, contribute to the preservation of sites elected by this public. Ouch.
I can see their point, too. UNESCO send teams of earnest inspectors to places like the 'Ecosystem and Relict Cultural Landscape of Lopé-Okanda' (a recent listee, from Gabon), whilst Herr Weber gets a flashy website and SMS vote to garner millions upon millions of votes. It's the classic stuffy beaurocrats versus modern media types battle. You can register and vote for the New 7 for free (online), if you vote by phone or SMS it costs you an international call. Cleverly, while the free votes are capped at seven, you can send as many texts as you like, enabling those who have an interest to 'buy' extra votes. So who has an interest? Well, even if it's not recognised by UNESCO, having a 'New' wonder of the world in your country would be a huge boost for tourism, at the very least.
So what are the sites in the running? Twenty-one possible candidates were selected into a shortlist from 77 nominations. They are...
Some worthy candidates there, certainly. Like the Pyramids at Giza, for example, which are of course the only surviving member of the original Seven Wonders. Their entry on the shortlist caused a huge kerfuffle in Egypt - as the politicians there (and this has become depressingly political) quite understandably argued that they shouldn't suffer the indignity of having to win their place again, having already been sitting proudly in the original list (which incidentally was thought up by a single person, Philon of Byzantium, in 200BC). So the pyramids were hastily given 'honorary status', and removed from the voting. The historic stone city of Petra was lagging down the order until the King of Jordan apparently went on telly there and urged the citizens to text support for their entrant. I don't remember seeing Queeny do that for Stonehenge, eh?
That's an odd one too - Stonehenge was built before any of the original seven wonders, and here it is trying to replace them, despite being on the medieval list. I dunno, it doesn't make sense to me (and I love lists). You can just imagine the glossy tourist brochures proclaiming Come and SEE the New Wonder of the World!!! for the winners, as the losers sit there, with nothing to shout about. I've nothing against this kind of thing in principal - I had a great time years ago at Bodrum poking about the ruins of the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus (mostly pretending to be Indiana Jones). It's just the predictably modern spin that's been put on it, the SMS charges (only 50% of which go to a heritage restoration fund), and the fact that 'organisations and governments' can allegedly block-buy votes. What's the point? I agree with UNESCO.
Next week I'll bring you the results, who I would have voted for, and my real New Seven Wonders of the World...
New Seven Wonders Website
UNESCO 'not involved' in New Seven Wonders
Opera House 'fading' in race to be New Wonder [Sydney Morning Herald]
Taj Mahal - not so wonderful? [BBC]
The world will never be quite the same after this weekend. A lavish ceremony resembling the opening night of the Olympic Games will be held in Portugal to reveal the final results of (currently) 70 million public votes. The New Seven Wonders of the World will be presented to the grateful global populace (with a couple of significant objectors - but more on them later) with all the pomp of the Eurovision song contest. Brainchild of Swiss industrialist Bernard Weber and his 'New Open World Corporation' - who sound like the evil media empire Pierce Brosnan toppled in Tomorrow Never Dies - the New 7 (as they are abbreviated) will join the other rollcalls of whopping majesty on the 7th of July in Lisbon.
There are more of those than you would think, too. The Seven Ancient Wonders, of course, and the Seven Natural Wonders (Grand Canyon, Barrier Reef, Rio harbour, Mount Everest, the polar aurora, ParÃcutin volcano and the Victoria Falls). There's the Seven Wonders of the Middle Ages (Stonehenge, Colosseum, Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa (?), Great Wall of China, Porcelain Tower at Nanjing, the Hagia Sophia, and the leaning tower of Pisa), the Seven Wonders of the Modern World (the Channel Tunnel, CN Tower, Empire State Building, Golden Gate Bridge, Itaipu Dam, Panama Canal, and the Dutch land reclamation works), and the Seven Underwater Wonders (Palau, the Great Barrier Reef, the Beleize Barrier Reef, undersea vents, the Galapagos Islands, Lake Baikal, the Northern Red Sea).
So why do we need another list? Well - we don't, according to the universally accepted guardians of the world's wonders, UNESCO. They released a stinging statement at their recent meeting in Christchurch (during which they elevated 21 more sites to World Heritage status - now making 851). It read ...There is no comparison between Mr Weber’s mediatised campaign and the scientific and educational work resulting from the inscription of sites on UNESCO’s World Heritage List. The list of the “7 New Wonders of the World” will be the result of a private undertaking, reflecting only the opinions of those with access to the internet and not the entire world. This initiative cannot, in any significant and sustainable manner, contribute to the preservation of sites elected by this public. Ouch.
I can see their point, too. UNESCO send teams of earnest inspectors to places like the 'Ecosystem and Relict Cultural Landscape of Lopé-Okanda' (a recent listee, from Gabon), whilst Herr Weber gets a flashy website and SMS vote to garner millions upon millions of votes. It's the classic stuffy beaurocrats versus modern media types battle. You can register and vote for the New 7 for free (online), if you vote by phone or SMS it costs you an international call. Cleverly, while the free votes are capped at seven, you can send as many texts as you like, enabling those who have an interest to 'buy' extra votes. So who has an interest? Well, even if it's not recognised by UNESCO, having a 'New' wonder of the world in your country would be a huge boost for tourism, at the very least.
So what are the sites in the running? Twenty-one possible candidates were selected into a shortlist from 77 nominations. They are...
- The Acropolis (Athens, Greece)
- The Alhambra (Granada, Spain)
- Angkor Wat (Angkor, Cambodia)
- Chichen Itza (Yucatan, Mexico)
- Christ the Redeemer (Rio de Janiero, Brazil)
- Colosseum (Rome, Italy)
- Easter Island Moais (Easter Island, Chile)
- The Eiffel Tower (Paris, France)
- The Great Wall (China)
- The Hagia Sophia (Istanbul, Turkey)
- Kiyomizu-dera (Kyoto, Japan)
- The Kremlin and St Basil's Square (Moscow, Russia)
- Macchu Picchu (Cuzco, Peru)
- Neuschwanstein Castle (Füssen, Germany)
- The stone city of Petra (Jordan)
- The Pyramids of Giza (Giza, Egypt)
- The Statue of Liberty (New York City, USA)
- Stonehenge (Amesbury, UK)
- The Sydney Opera House (Sydney, Australia)
- The Taj Mahal (Agra, India)
- Timbuktu (Mali)
Some worthy candidates there, certainly. Like the Pyramids at Giza, for example, which are of course the only surviving member of the original Seven Wonders. Their entry on the shortlist caused a huge kerfuffle in Egypt - as the politicians there (and this has become depressingly political) quite understandably argued that they shouldn't suffer the indignity of having to win their place again, having already been sitting proudly in the original list (which incidentally was thought up by a single person, Philon of Byzantium, in 200BC). So the pyramids were hastily given 'honorary status', and removed from the voting. The historic stone city of Petra was lagging down the order until the King of Jordan apparently went on telly there and urged the citizens to text support for their entrant. I don't remember seeing Queeny do that for Stonehenge, eh?
That's an odd one too - Stonehenge was built before any of the original seven wonders, and here it is trying to replace them, despite being on the medieval list. I dunno, it doesn't make sense to me (and I love lists). You can just imagine the glossy tourist brochures proclaiming Come and SEE the New Wonder of the World!!! for the winners, as the losers sit there, with nothing to shout about. I've nothing against this kind of thing in principal - I had a great time years ago at Bodrum poking about the ruins of the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus (mostly pretending to be Indiana Jones). It's just the predictably modern spin that's been put on it, the SMS charges (only 50% of which go to a heritage restoration fund), and the fact that 'organisations and governments' can allegedly block-buy votes. What's the point? I agree with UNESCO.
Next week I'll bring you the results, who I would have voted for, and my real New Seven Wonders of the World...
New Seven Wonders Website
UNESCO 'not involved' in New Seven Wonders
Opera House 'fading' in race to be New Wonder [Sydney Morning Herald]
Taj Mahal - not so wonderful? [BBC]
Monday, June 25, 2007
Ooh! Fancybags!
The Dior Golf Bag in all it's glory
Manufacturers and advertisers are in the business of making us buy things - and they use many techniques to get the average person to relent and purchase. One of these is the fake-tech factor, i.e. making something mundane seem mega exciting and revolutionary. I mention this because I recently realised I needed a new golf bag. Partly because the handle on my trusty white and red Slazenger bag gave way during a recent round (almost spilling my clubs on the fairway*), and partly because I was watching a 1987 rerun of Bullseye on FTN and one of the rewards behind Bully's Prize Board (I think it was iiiiiiiiin five) was a set of golf clubs in a familiar-looking white and red bag. Given that one of the other prizes was a Sega Master System, I think my bag had passed cutting-edge status many years ago.
So time for a change then, and as with every other shopping decision I make (bar shuffling around Waitrose looking for the cheap stuff), it was time to go online and see what was new in the world of golf bag technology. Firstly, I seemed to be old-fashioned in the view that they are just a place to chuck your clubs and lug them from one poor shot to another. These days they are precision engineered pieces of sporting equipment, designed to give you that edge over the elements and the competition. The possibilities are endless - combinations of pockets, straps, dividers, whether you want a stand bag or a cart bag, single support or double support, which manufacturer you want to go with, and of course the all important factor - the colour. Not so many white and red designs out there at the moment, and Slazenger don't seem to do bags anymore (maybe the humiliation of being a Bullseye prize got to them).
The Lynx Parallax bag gives itself away immediately, with "...Thermoformed handles for manoeuvrability, particularly when getting the Lynx Parallax in and out of the car." (a touch on the heavy side?) - but it does have an internal pencil holder. Also in the Lynx range is the Prowler, which sports an "Exterior thermoformed plastic tee peg holder and unique golf ball holder." - so pencil on the inside, or tee peg on the outside? It's the perennial golfer's dilemma. The official Lynx website describes it as having a "fur-lined valuables pouch". Seeing as the European Lynx is almost extinct, I was pleased to find out later that the 'fur' is actually velour, as used to make the uniforms from Star Trek (I looked that up - I may be blogging about golf accessories, but I'm not that sad).
At the top end of the range (one for the golf pun enthusiasts there), you have the stunning Christian Dior argyle golf bag (pictured above), desribed on the website I saw as "...the perfect addition to any chic-going golfing gal." A snip, at US $1,679. You'd have to be one seriously brave golfer to take that out to the municipal courses of East Lothian, I can tell you, gal or no gal. Other fashion designers have created similar models, and there are a few all-leather bags out there (100% American Steer, apparently) - but as the authentic manufacturer's products can slip into the three-figure price range, you can get a 'luxury' bag from a bona fide golfing make. The Ping T9.5, for example, as used by "golfers who want to leave little doubt as to their brand allegiance" (i.e. PING is written in enormous writing on the side of it).
Cupholders sell cars, and they also sell golf bags. The brilliantly named Ping Hoofer Vantage has an "...insulated pocket that keeps water and other refreshments cool during a round." (as well as a 'durable velour soft cover to help prevent shaft scratches'). I wonder what they can mean by 'other refreshments'? A quick glance in the tee-side bins at our usual golf course answers that question - and bags such as the Cold Fury II cater for that type of golfer - it has "...two detachable 6-pack cooler pockets". Highly tempting - but then so is the "Custom logo bottom ball pocket [zip-off]" on the Callaway X-Series, and the mobile phone charging ability of the Soldius Solar Powered Golf Bag.
In the end, it came down to one of two choices. The TaylorMade Mag F1 Bag comes with "...840 Denier Ballistic Nylon with polyurethane carbon fiber accents, a 14 way spoke and rim club organizer, a racing harness strap system with TaylorMade metal medallion, 14 way spoke and rim club organizer, and louver expansion pocket with Neoprene gussets. The Mag F1 also comes with TaylorMade silicone logo’d pocket pull tabs, TaylorMade sonic weld logo applications, and "T" Icon wire mesh logo applique." Hmmm. Choice B was the aformentioned Lynx Prowler - and not just because it "...provides many benefits to the gofler who likes to carry their golf clubs, but in comfort." Also not because of the 'carabineer towel ring', or the 'padded dual shoulder strap system'. No, let's face it - I'm a sucker for velour (but who isn't?). So it had to be the Lynx Prowler...
*I was walking over the fairway from one patch of rough to another.
Manufacturers and advertisers are in the business of making us buy things - and they use many techniques to get the average person to relent and purchase. One of these is the fake-tech factor, i.e. making something mundane seem mega exciting and revolutionary. I mention this because I recently realised I needed a new golf bag. Partly because the handle on my trusty white and red Slazenger bag gave way during a recent round (almost spilling my clubs on the fairway*), and partly because I was watching a 1987 rerun of Bullseye on FTN and one of the rewards behind Bully's Prize Board (I think it was iiiiiiiiin five) was a set of golf clubs in a familiar-looking white and red bag. Given that one of the other prizes was a Sega Master System, I think my bag had passed cutting-edge status many years ago.
So time for a change then, and as with every other shopping decision I make (bar shuffling around Waitrose looking for the cheap stuff), it was time to go online and see what was new in the world of golf bag technology. Firstly, I seemed to be old-fashioned in the view that they are just a place to chuck your clubs and lug them from one poor shot to another. These days they are precision engineered pieces of sporting equipment, designed to give you that edge over the elements and the competition. The possibilities are endless - combinations of pockets, straps, dividers, whether you want a stand bag or a cart bag, single support or double support, which manufacturer you want to go with, and of course the all important factor - the colour. Not so many white and red designs out there at the moment, and Slazenger don't seem to do bags anymore (maybe the humiliation of being a Bullseye prize got to them).
The Lynx Parallax bag gives itself away immediately, with "...Thermoformed handles for manoeuvrability, particularly when getting the Lynx Parallax in and out of the car." (a touch on the heavy side?) - but it does have an internal pencil holder. Also in the Lynx range is the Prowler, which sports an "Exterior thermoformed plastic tee peg holder and unique golf ball holder." - so pencil on the inside, or tee peg on the outside? It's the perennial golfer's dilemma. The official Lynx website describes it as having a "fur-lined valuables pouch". Seeing as the European Lynx is almost extinct, I was pleased to find out later that the 'fur' is actually velour, as used to make the uniforms from Star Trek (I looked that up - I may be blogging about golf accessories, but I'm not that sad).
At the top end of the range (one for the golf pun enthusiasts there), you have the stunning Christian Dior argyle golf bag (pictured above), desribed on the website I saw as "...the perfect addition to any chic-going golfing gal." A snip, at US $1,679. You'd have to be one seriously brave golfer to take that out to the municipal courses of East Lothian, I can tell you, gal or no gal. Other fashion designers have created similar models, and there are a few all-leather bags out there (100% American Steer, apparently) - but as the authentic manufacturer's products can slip into the three-figure price range, you can get a 'luxury' bag from a bona fide golfing make. The Ping T9.5, for example, as used by "golfers who want to leave little doubt as to their brand allegiance" (i.e. PING is written in enormous writing on the side of it).
Cupholders sell cars, and they also sell golf bags. The brilliantly named Ping Hoofer Vantage has an "...insulated pocket that keeps water and other refreshments cool during a round." (as well as a 'durable velour soft cover to help prevent shaft scratches'). I wonder what they can mean by 'other refreshments'? A quick glance in the tee-side bins at our usual golf course answers that question - and bags such as the Cold Fury II cater for that type of golfer - it has "...two detachable 6-pack cooler pockets". Highly tempting - but then so is the "Custom logo bottom ball pocket [zip-off]" on the Callaway X-Series, and the mobile phone charging ability of the Soldius Solar Powered Golf Bag.
In the end, it came down to one of two choices. The TaylorMade Mag F1 Bag comes with "...840 Denier Ballistic Nylon with polyurethane carbon fiber accents, a 14 way spoke and rim club organizer, a racing harness strap system with TaylorMade metal medallion, 14 way spoke and rim club organizer, and louver expansion pocket with Neoprene gussets. The Mag F1 also comes with TaylorMade silicone logo’d pocket pull tabs, TaylorMade sonic weld logo applications, and "T" Icon wire mesh logo applique." Hmmm. Choice B was the aformentioned Lynx Prowler - and not just because it "...provides many benefits to the gofler who likes to carry their golf clubs, but in comfort." Also not because of the 'carabineer towel ring', or the 'padded dual shoulder strap system'. No, let's face it - I'm a sucker for velour (but who isn't?). So it had to be the Lynx Prowler...
*I was walking over the fairway from one patch of rough to another.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Roll over Beethoven...
Dangermouse and Penfold in action
I was flicking through the paper today when I half saw an article featuring a picture of comedian Peter Kay and Leonardo da Vinci - not a double act you see very often. Turns out it was about a recent Arts Awards survey, which asked several thousand people to name their 'heroes in the arts'. As it happened the Bolton funnyman polled fifth, whilst the Renaissance decorator came out on top. You can imagine the teeth-gnashing in the broadsheets. "Banksy above Picasso? Walt Disney above Jane Austen?" Even more so with the shock absence of Shakespeare, Dickens and Michaelangelo. The overall top ten arts heroes were revealed as: -
1 Leonardo da Vinci
2 Bob Dylan
3 Andy Warhol
4 Walt Disney
5 Peter Kay
6 Jane Austen
7 Banksy
8 Bob Marley
9 Nick Park
10 Picasso
Good to see a fellow Prestonian in the top list there (Nick Park, creator of Wallace and Gromit; freeman of the city). Of course, this is such a colossally pointless exercise. I'm not sure what the constraints were, but everyone has different personal definitions of 'hero'; and 'art' for that matter. I happen to believe Leonardo was a genius, a true legendary figure in human history. But he's not a hero of mine. I also think Peter Kay is a genius (and I wonder what he makes of an appearance in the top five?), but he's not a 'hero of the arts' either. So what would be my top ten? Bearing in mind Hero is described as "a person who is admired or idealised for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities...", and as a youngster growing up, my heroes wouldn't be playwrights or painters. So here are my own personal Heroes in the Arts...
Sir David Attenborough
At the top of any list of heroes, this man is a national treasure. Legendary naturalist and broadcaster, he changed the face of nature television and documentary making, and is still going aged 81. His new series, Life in Cold Blood, covers reptiles and amphibians and will once again be required viewing for anybody with an interest in the world around us. I hope it's many, many years from now - but when his time comes - a national day of mourning far more deserved than any vacuous royal should be given for him.
Boba Fett
Tough for me to include 10 heroes from the arts, and only one from the Star Wars films. As I went on about recently, they defined my childhood - and Boba Fett was the man. He came to an unfortunate end in the Sarlacc Pit, but before then he calmly stood in the shadows and watched, he never spoke, everybody feared him, and he could fire rockets from his elbows. He managed to capture the second coolest man in space (Han Solo), for crying out loud. And he could fly. Charging around the playground at Queen's Drive junior back in the mid-80's, I wasn't pretending to be Luke Skywalker.
The A Team
The greatest television show ever, bar none. With a moral message about teamwork and respect repeatedly rammed home every Saturday afternoon, the fantastic foursome dominated weekends for youngsters everywhere. Family-friendly, with catastrophic gunfights, car crashes, and even plane crashes causing occupants to stagger out, slightly limping, the A Team always came to the rescue of the little guy. Every episode was essentially the same - downtrodden locals, rich evil man with M-16 toting goons, a pretty girl for Face to get off with, Murdoch annoying Mr T, a mechanical montage, Hannibal in 'disguise' - "who let this one-eyed tinker past the guards?", someone being thrown through a window, and the plan always coming together.*
Hal and Roger Hunt
Not just television on my list of course - from the field of literature come the Hunt brothers, stars of Willard Price's 'Adventure' series of novels. Think the Hardy Boys with animals. No preppy New England crimefighting here, the Hunts travelled the world catching animals for their father's Long Island zoo (Price wrote most of them in the 1950's and 60's). Each was disctinctly titled - Amazon Adventure, South Sea Adventure, Volcano Adventure. Featuring suspect natives, cannibals, and even an entire book about whaling, they might not be PC these days, but for a ten year old boy there's little better.
Terry Nutkins
Missing out on the black and white era of children's TV, I never saw Johnny Morris do his thing - but our generation had a more than adequate replacement. He didn't transpose comic voices onto animals, as that sort of thing didn't wash in the more cynical 1980's. Instead, Terry Nutkins presented countless kid's wildlife shows by sitting in a studio gamely clinging to whatever it was he was talking about. Whether it was a goose, a cheetah cub, or a Amazonian pangolin, he'd be grappling with it as the thing tried to bolt for the shadows, yet at the same time reeling off all kinds of facts. He had extra gravitas as he only had 8 fingers, having lost two to a rogue otter some years before. Respect, Terry.
Gary Chalk
More literary heroes here, and an artist in my list. Not Picasso or Warhol, but a man who started out drawing black and white pictures for an obscure series of adventure books. The Lone Wolf series of what are sometimes described as 'choose your own' adventures, first came to our attention in 1984 with Flight from the Dark. The books, where you go through the story by making decisions and turning to the appropriate page to continue, are non-existant now - but were huge back then - Flight from the Dark sold 100,000 copies in it's first month of release. Written by Joe Dever, the fantastic pictures were drawn by Gary Chalk, and my Dad used to read them out to my brother and me, and we would bicker about what we should do next. It's one of my fondest childhood memories, and Chalk's illustrations brought it all to life.
Tony from Bullseye
Recently voted the 11th most important Tony in British history (I kid you not, he finished between Tony Benn and Tony Hart), Tony Green was - and still is - the voice of Bullseye. The second part of the most ultimate Saturday night lineup ever, on right after the A-Team, Bullseye is of course the seminal darts-related gameshow. Jim Bowen was the host and drole miserablist (and my Dad can tell a story about him that would be libellous if I were to repeat it here), so Tony the scorer was the ray of light. How much of a hero was he? Just read his catchphrases, as listed on his Wikipedia entry..."It's a Bullseye! And here's your host, Jiiiim Bowen" "OK, Take your time. Nice and easy. Nice and easy..." "Iiiiiiiin one" "Ohhhhhh... that's the gamble I'm afraid." "Best o'luck." "...and Bully's special prize..." "One Hundred and Eiiiighhtyyy"
Gordon the Gopher
Possibly stretching the definition of the word hero here, but I would say Gordon the Gopher was admired for his noble qualities. He didn't have much courage, admittedly - especially that famous clip of him being menaced by a puppy, which still has me in stitches when I see it. If you have no idea what I'm on about, Gordon was a puppet gopher used as a sidekick to children's TV host Phillip Schofield in the BBC broom cupboard, many years ago. He wore a leather jacket, squeaked a lot, and generally ruled the roost. Replaced cruelly by Edd the Duck, he will never be forgotten. Bizarrely, Schofield claimed in an interview that Gordon had recently become an alcoholic, and died in a ram-raiding accident.
The pixellated Daley Thompson
Not the man himself - the UK's most celebrated Olympic decathlete - but the videogame he fronted, the legendary Daley Thompson's Decathlon. Today computer games are a more respected artistic medium (or they are if you are under a certain age), so it's only right to include them in my list. But why Daley instead of Sonic or Mario or Donkey Kong? Well, for a start he was a real person. Secondly, I only ever played the game at the Blackpool arcades. The yellow-topped ball joystick was great fun to waggle (as it were), sending the blocky decathlete pinging down the longjump pit, or wherever. Looking back, the game was utter rubbish (they even got his skintone wrong, portraying him as being caucasian), but since when did things being crap stop them from being a hero?
Penfold from Dangermouse
...which brings us nicely to the final entry, and the most fantastic cartoon character ever. Dangermouse was simply brilliant, and yet his sidekick Penfold stole every scene he was in. A short-sighted hamster, always turned out in a blue suit and stripey tie, Penfold bumbled along with the dashing Dangermouse on his adventures. In every episode, he would get into trouble (usually just as DM was about to solve the case), and have to be rescued. Perfectly voiced by Terry Scott, his "Crumbs!" catchphrase summed him up perfectly. As much as I enjoy watching the escapades of Homer, Cartman, Stewie, Bender and so-on, Penfold took my heart a long time ago. He truly is a hero from the arts.
*The one where the A-Team are holed up in a barn and cobble together a steam-powered cabbage bazooka is possibly the greatest single television episode ever.
Disney ousts Dickens in Arts Hero survey
Daley Thompson's Decathlon
Gary Chalk's Official website
Flight from the Dark cover art
YouTube clip of Gordon the Gopher's mauling
I was flicking through the paper today when I half saw an article featuring a picture of comedian Peter Kay and Leonardo da Vinci - not a double act you see very often. Turns out it was about a recent Arts Awards survey, which asked several thousand people to name their 'heroes in the arts'. As it happened the Bolton funnyman polled fifth, whilst the Renaissance decorator came out on top. You can imagine the teeth-gnashing in the broadsheets. "Banksy above Picasso? Walt Disney above Jane Austen?" Even more so with the shock absence of Shakespeare, Dickens and Michaelangelo. The overall top ten arts heroes were revealed as: -
1 Leonardo da Vinci
2 Bob Dylan
3 Andy Warhol
4 Walt Disney
5 Peter Kay
6 Jane Austen
7 Banksy
8 Bob Marley
9 Nick Park
10 Picasso
Good to see a fellow Prestonian in the top list there (Nick Park, creator of Wallace and Gromit; freeman of the city). Of course, this is such a colossally pointless exercise. I'm not sure what the constraints were, but everyone has different personal definitions of 'hero'; and 'art' for that matter. I happen to believe Leonardo was a genius, a true legendary figure in human history. But he's not a hero of mine. I also think Peter Kay is a genius (and I wonder what he makes of an appearance in the top five?), but he's not a 'hero of the arts' either. So what would be my top ten? Bearing in mind Hero is described as "a person who is admired or idealised for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities...", and as a youngster growing up, my heroes wouldn't be playwrights or painters. So here are my own personal Heroes in the Arts...
Sir David Attenborough
At the top of any list of heroes, this man is a national treasure. Legendary naturalist and broadcaster, he changed the face of nature television and documentary making, and is still going aged 81. His new series, Life in Cold Blood, covers reptiles and amphibians and will once again be required viewing for anybody with an interest in the world around us. I hope it's many, many years from now - but when his time comes - a national day of mourning far more deserved than any vacuous royal should be given for him.
Boba Fett
Tough for me to include 10 heroes from the arts, and only one from the Star Wars films. As I went on about recently, they defined my childhood - and Boba Fett was the man. He came to an unfortunate end in the Sarlacc Pit, but before then he calmly stood in the shadows and watched, he never spoke, everybody feared him, and he could fire rockets from his elbows. He managed to capture the second coolest man in space (Han Solo), for crying out loud. And he could fly. Charging around the playground at Queen's Drive junior back in the mid-80's, I wasn't pretending to be Luke Skywalker.
The A Team
The greatest television show ever, bar none. With a moral message about teamwork and respect repeatedly rammed home every Saturday afternoon, the fantastic foursome dominated weekends for youngsters everywhere. Family-friendly, with catastrophic gunfights, car crashes, and even plane crashes causing occupants to stagger out, slightly limping, the A Team always came to the rescue of the little guy. Every episode was essentially the same - downtrodden locals, rich evil man with M-16 toting goons, a pretty girl for Face to get off with, Murdoch annoying Mr T, a mechanical montage, Hannibal in 'disguise' - "who let this one-eyed tinker past the guards?", someone being thrown through a window, and the plan always coming together.*
Hal and Roger Hunt
Not just television on my list of course - from the field of literature come the Hunt brothers, stars of Willard Price's 'Adventure' series of novels. Think the Hardy Boys with animals. No preppy New England crimefighting here, the Hunts travelled the world catching animals for their father's Long Island zoo (Price wrote most of them in the 1950's and 60's). Each was disctinctly titled - Amazon Adventure, South Sea Adventure, Volcano Adventure. Featuring suspect natives, cannibals, and even an entire book about whaling, they might not be PC these days, but for a ten year old boy there's little better.
Terry Nutkins
Missing out on the black and white era of children's TV, I never saw Johnny Morris do his thing - but our generation had a more than adequate replacement. He didn't transpose comic voices onto animals, as that sort of thing didn't wash in the more cynical 1980's. Instead, Terry Nutkins presented countless kid's wildlife shows by sitting in a studio gamely clinging to whatever it was he was talking about. Whether it was a goose, a cheetah cub, or a Amazonian pangolin, he'd be grappling with it as the thing tried to bolt for the shadows, yet at the same time reeling off all kinds of facts. He had extra gravitas as he only had 8 fingers, having lost two to a rogue otter some years before. Respect, Terry.
Gary Chalk
More literary heroes here, and an artist in my list. Not Picasso or Warhol, but a man who started out drawing black and white pictures for an obscure series of adventure books. The Lone Wolf series of what are sometimes described as 'choose your own' adventures, first came to our attention in 1984 with Flight from the Dark. The books, where you go through the story by making decisions and turning to the appropriate page to continue, are non-existant now - but were huge back then - Flight from the Dark sold 100,000 copies in it's first month of release. Written by Joe Dever, the fantastic pictures were drawn by Gary Chalk, and my Dad used to read them out to my brother and me, and we would bicker about what we should do next. It's one of my fondest childhood memories, and Chalk's illustrations brought it all to life.
Tony from Bullseye
Recently voted the 11th most important Tony in British history (I kid you not, he finished between Tony Benn and Tony Hart), Tony Green was - and still is - the voice of Bullseye. The second part of the most ultimate Saturday night lineup ever, on right after the A-Team, Bullseye is of course the seminal darts-related gameshow. Jim Bowen was the host and drole miserablist (and my Dad can tell a story about him that would be libellous if I were to repeat it here), so Tony the scorer was the ray of light. How much of a hero was he? Just read his catchphrases, as listed on his Wikipedia entry..."It's a Bullseye! And here's your host, Jiiiim Bowen" "OK, Take your time. Nice and easy. Nice and easy..." "Iiiiiiiin one" "Ohhhhhh... that's the gamble I'm afraid." "Best o'luck." "...and Bully's special prize..." "One Hundred and Eiiiighhtyyy"
Gordon the Gopher
Possibly stretching the definition of the word hero here, but I would say Gordon the Gopher was admired for his noble qualities. He didn't have much courage, admittedly - especially that famous clip of him being menaced by a puppy, which still has me in stitches when I see it. If you have no idea what I'm on about, Gordon was a puppet gopher used as a sidekick to children's TV host Phillip Schofield in the BBC broom cupboard, many years ago. He wore a leather jacket, squeaked a lot, and generally ruled the roost. Replaced cruelly by Edd the Duck, he will never be forgotten. Bizarrely, Schofield claimed in an interview that Gordon had recently become an alcoholic, and died in a ram-raiding accident.
The pixellated Daley Thompson
Not the man himself - the UK's most celebrated Olympic decathlete - but the videogame he fronted, the legendary Daley Thompson's Decathlon. Today computer games are a more respected artistic medium (or they are if you are under a certain age), so it's only right to include them in my list. But why Daley instead of Sonic or Mario or Donkey Kong? Well, for a start he was a real person. Secondly, I only ever played the game at the Blackpool arcades. The yellow-topped ball joystick was great fun to waggle (as it were), sending the blocky decathlete pinging down the longjump pit, or wherever. Looking back, the game was utter rubbish (they even got his skintone wrong, portraying him as being caucasian), but since when did things being crap stop them from being a hero?
Penfold from Dangermouse
...which brings us nicely to the final entry, and the most fantastic cartoon character ever. Dangermouse was simply brilliant, and yet his sidekick Penfold stole every scene he was in. A short-sighted hamster, always turned out in a blue suit and stripey tie, Penfold bumbled along with the dashing Dangermouse on his adventures. In every episode, he would get into trouble (usually just as DM was about to solve the case), and have to be rescued. Perfectly voiced by Terry Scott, his "Crumbs!" catchphrase summed him up perfectly. As much as I enjoy watching the escapades of Homer, Cartman, Stewie, Bender and so-on, Penfold took my heart a long time ago. He truly is a hero from the arts.
*The one where the A-Team are holed up in a barn and cobble together a steam-powered cabbage bazooka is possibly the greatest single television episode ever.
Disney ousts Dickens in Arts Hero survey
Daley Thompson's Decathlon
Gary Chalk's Official website
Flight from the Dark cover art
YouTube clip of Gordon the Gopher's mauling
Thursday, June 07, 2007
A part-time job offer?
They can't help themselves....
Dear Sir/Madam,
My Name is John Spelling I just came about your email address and your brief profile through an email listing affiliated with the US Chamber of Commerce and I would be very interested in offering you a part-time paying job in which you could earn alot.
Well, who wouldn't want to earn alot? When this email popped into my inbox the other day it certainly made me think. Mostly about how I seem to have become affiliated to the US Chamber of Commerce. I did walk past it last year when I was wandering around in Washington - maybe that's all it takes. Anyway - let's listen to what Mr Spelling has to say...
I just resigned my job as a research scientist for WFD (Winterwood Farms Ltd) but I still work as a freelance consultant for the institute which gives me very much time to do my own work which is basically being a freelance researcher who could be employed by research institutes to do research projects anywhere in the world.
So he's into research, then. Am I being invited to join his crack team of researchers, ready to respond when a giant letter R is beamed on the clouds? What would be my special power as a SuperResearcher? Maybe a propelling pencil that never ran out, or something.
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR US?
Presently, I have just been granted a funding to head a research project in the tropical regions of West Africa regarding rare and vulnerable plant species and this would be commencing very soon.
Plants? Oh, Ok. I did a bit of basic botany when I was a student - leaves, roots, xylem, phloem, and soforth. And West Africa? Well, fair enough - I suppose the majority of botanical expeditions for vulnerable plants would be in tropical places out of the way somewhere. This is quite conceivable, really.
However my funding were by my American counterparts which sent me the bunch of payments mostly in US and Canadian based check.
Ah.
So presently, assuming you would be able to deal with cash, I would be willing to employ you on contract basis to be my payment representative back in the states, this way I could issue and make these money orders out to you, you could then cash them easily, deduct 10% of the total amount on these money orders as your commission and then send the rest back to me through Western Union wire transfer.
Yes, I am able to deal with cash (on rare occasions when my wallet is filled with anything other than old bus tickets). But I'm not in the States! Oh, the misfortune. The US Chamber of Commerce's database can't be that accurate then. But he's very trusting, is Mr Spelling - he'd like to make out money orders for the full amount for his threatened shrubs, then have faith I'd only deduct 10% before wiring him the rest (or indeed any of it). Don't forget, he's in a West African jungle, and he thinks I live in the US...
HOW MUCH WILL YOU EARN?
10% from each operation! For instance: If you receive 9000 USD via cheques or money orders on our behalf. You will cash the money and keep $900 (10% from $9000) for yourself! At the beginning your commission will be 10%, though later it might increase up to 12%!
Oooh! See that 12% casually tossed in there, like a juicy baited hook. Why, 12% of $9000 is....er....m...more than 10%! Maths really isn't my strongpoint. Maybe that's why I got this email. Notice at no point has Mr Spelling mentioned just what the heck he's doing with these rare plants to make such large (and oddly 'plucked from the air' sums of money). Will they become even rarer? What about the West Africans? I bet he's not even conducted a basic environmental impact assessment. But you've got to watch out for these fly-by-night botanical researchers.
ADVANTAGES
You do not have to go out as you will work as an independent contractor right from your home office. Your job is absolutely legal.
But could I earn more if it wasn't?
You can earn up to $9000-12000 monthly depending on time you will spend for this job. You do not need any capital to start. The employees who make efforts and work hard have a strong possibility to become managers. Anyway our employees never leave us.
There's six words to sooth any nervous would-be employee. I've seen enough episodes of the Sopranos to know what that means - New Jersey landfill here I come. But as a committed follower of all things natural worldy, of course I'd work hard - so if my lesser performing coworkers suddenly stopped appearing, hey - more vulnerable plants for me. Woohoo!
MAIN REQUIREMENTS
18 years or older, legally capable responsible ready to work 3-4 hours per week. With PC knowledge e-mail and internet experience (minimal)
I think most people who know me realise I passed the minimal internet experience standard a loooong time ago. Although I do have a Mac rather than a PC. I'd best not mention that in the interview. I am over 18 and legally responsible though. Go me!
And please know that everything is absolutely legal, that's why you have to fill a contract! If you are interested in our offer, please to reply. Mail directly to my personal email address...
I find emailed contracts are all the more legal. At this point, our would be Dr Livingstone supplies his email address and asks for my personal details, including my email address. Hmmm. But he sent me the email. I conducted my own research (it takes two to tango, Mr Spelling) - Winterwood Farms may well be interested in rare species, but they are in fact a fruit picking business based in Maidstone. Their director is called Terry - there are no John Spellings listed, or any 'research institutes' attached (although they do grow blueberries in Poland). Hmmm.
So after careful consideration Mr Spelling - I'll have to give your kind offer a miss. Unless you'd go up to 15%...?
Dear Sir/Madam,
My Name is John Spelling I just came about your email address and your brief profile through an email listing affiliated with the US Chamber of Commerce and I would be very interested in offering you a part-time paying job in which you could earn alot.
Well, who wouldn't want to earn alot? When this email popped into my inbox the other day it certainly made me think. Mostly about how I seem to have become affiliated to the US Chamber of Commerce. I did walk past it last year when I was wandering around in Washington - maybe that's all it takes. Anyway - let's listen to what Mr Spelling has to say...
I just resigned my job as a research scientist for WFD (Winterwood Farms Ltd) but I still work as a freelance consultant for the institute which gives me very much time to do my own work which is basically being a freelance researcher who could be employed by research institutes to do research projects anywhere in the world.
So he's into research, then. Am I being invited to join his crack team of researchers, ready to respond when a giant letter R is beamed on the clouds? What would be my special power as a SuperResearcher? Maybe a propelling pencil that never ran out, or something.
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR US?
Presently, I have just been granted a funding to head a research project in the tropical regions of West Africa regarding rare and vulnerable plant species and this would be commencing very soon.
Plants? Oh, Ok. I did a bit of basic botany when I was a student - leaves, roots, xylem, phloem, and soforth. And West Africa? Well, fair enough - I suppose the majority of botanical expeditions for vulnerable plants would be in tropical places out of the way somewhere. This is quite conceivable, really.
However my funding were by my American counterparts which sent me the bunch of payments mostly in US and Canadian based check.
Ah.
So presently, assuming you would be able to deal with cash, I would be willing to employ you on contract basis to be my payment representative back in the states, this way I could issue and make these money orders out to you, you could then cash them easily, deduct 10% of the total amount on these money orders as your commission and then send the rest back to me through Western Union wire transfer.
Yes, I am able to deal with cash (on rare occasions when my wallet is filled with anything other than old bus tickets). But I'm not in the States! Oh, the misfortune. The US Chamber of Commerce's database can't be that accurate then. But he's very trusting, is Mr Spelling - he'd like to make out money orders for the full amount for his threatened shrubs, then have faith I'd only deduct 10% before wiring him the rest (or indeed any of it). Don't forget, he's in a West African jungle, and he thinks I live in the US...
HOW MUCH WILL YOU EARN?
10% from each operation! For instance: If you receive 9000 USD via cheques or money orders on our behalf. You will cash the money and keep $900 (10% from $9000) for yourself! At the beginning your commission will be 10%, though later it might increase up to 12%!
Oooh! See that 12% casually tossed in there, like a juicy baited hook. Why, 12% of $9000 is....er....m...more than 10%! Maths really isn't my strongpoint. Maybe that's why I got this email. Notice at no point has Mr Spelling mentioned just what the heck he's doing with these rare plants to make such large (and oddly 'plucked from the air' sums of money). Will they become even rarer? What about the West Africans? I bet he's not even conducted a basic environmental impact assessment. But you've got to watch out for these fly-by-night botanical researchers.
ADVANTAGES
You do not have to go out as you will work as an independent contractor right from your home office. Your job is absolutely legal.
But could I earn more if it wasn't?
You can earn up to $9000-12000 monthly depending on time you will spend for this job. You do not need any capital to start. The employees who make efforts and work hard have a strong possibility to become managers. Anyway our employees never leave us.
There's six words to sooth any nervous would-be employee. I've seen enough episodes of the Sopranos to know what that means - New Jersey landfill here I come. But as a committed follower of all things natural worldy, of course I'd work hard - so if my lesser performing coworkers suddenly stopped appearing, hey - more vulnerable plants for me. Woohoo!
MAIN REQUIREMENTS
18 years or older, legally capable responsible ready to work 3-4 hours per week. With PC knowledge e-mail and internet experience (minimal)
I think most people who know me realise I passed the minimal internet experience standard a loooong time ago. Although I do have a Mac rather than a PC. I'd best not mention that in the interview. I am over 18 and legally responsible though. Go me!
And please know that everything is absolutely legal, that's why you have to fill a contract! If you are interested in our offer, please to reply. Mail directly to my personal email address...
I find emailed contracts are all the more legal. At this point, our would be Dr Livingstone supplies his email address and asks for my personal details, including my email address. Hmmm. But he sent me the email. I conducted my own research (it takes two to tango, Mr Spelling) - Winterwood Farms may well be interested in rare species, but they are in fact a fruit picking business based in Maidstone. Their director is called Terry - there are no John Spellings listed, or any 'research institutes' attached (although they do grow blueberries in Poland). Hmmm.
So after careful consideration Mr Spelling - I'll have to give your kind offer a miss. Unless you'd go up to 15%...?
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Edinburgh's Views
Edinburgh is one of the most beautiful cities in the world, without a doubt. Currently filling up with camera-toting tourists, there are plenty of things to click away at. Here are some photos I've taken over the years showing some of the best views you can find here. This is St Mary's Episcopal Cathedral in the West End. Consecrated in 1879, it's tightly symmetrical three-spired shape is one of Edinburgh's many landmarks. It's also one of the few that isn't lit up at night, so it sits there looking Gothic and menacing. You get a tremendous view along Melville Street at dusk, when St Mary's is dramatically silhouetted - I walk past it every night and always look up.
You know Christmas is approaching when the big wheel is bolted together next to the Scott Monument. I've never actually been on it - I'm not quite sure why - but I suppose I should one day. It only takes a day or so to erect, and they always carefully hang a tarpaulin over the Princes Street pavement underneath to stop youthful riders plopping things onto passing pedestrians. It looks nicest illuminated, with other fareground-type attractions nearby, and the ubiquitous German Winter Market and ice-rink (which I avoid after my accident in Boston).
This is the best of all Edinburgh views, taken on a walk over the Bridges at the East End. Any time you get a colourful sunset, this is the place to stand. It's almost the same you get exiting Waverley station - I've seen people arrive in the city to this view and stand there gasping, or fumbling for their camera. On the far left is the spire of the original Parliament Building church, then the Bank of Scotland building, and then the castle sprawling down the hill. On the right is the Scott Monument with the Christmas ferris wheel, and in the foreground the glazed roof of the station.
The Meadows is the place to be on a sunny afternoon, there are times when you'd struggle to get a few square feet to yourself on this part. The large tenement flats of Warrender Park line up behind - I used to live to the left of this picture down the street a bit. Because of this I never went in our garden, we never needed to - a short frisbee throw away was this fantastic park. Very much the student area, I used to see them carrying sofas out of their flats and wandering to the Meadows for a hard day's drinking. There are signs up everywhere forbidding barbecues, but after a hot day there are always tell-tale scorchmarks on the grass.
The Dean Village in winter. It used to be a grain milling settlement along the banks of the Water of Leith (the name comes from 'Dene', meaning deep valley). I've written about this a few times, but it's a great part of the city few tourists find. We don't usually get much snow in Edinburgh as the central highlands and west coast get most of it, but when it arrives the Dean Village looks even more picturesque. The mills lasted here for over 800yrs, and the buildings still exist today, converted now to houses and fancy flats.
No prizes for guessing the most photographed building in the city. The castle dominates the landscape - I see it when I leave my flat in the morning, and I can still see it when I get to work several miles away (if I nick up to the top floor and stare out of the window). One of the UK's most popular tourist attractions, I think now it costs something like £13 to get in, so the National Trust Free Day last year - where all their historic buildings drop admission costs - had people queueing up in the hundreds to get in. Not me though, I went about 10yrs ago and spent the day there. It's a good day too, lots to see. But I prefer looking at it from the outside - and of all the many views, this is my favourite - straight up at the retaining walls, from the Grassmarket.
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