It may have passed you by, but last Thursday was the second annual 'Guinness World Records Day' - sponsored of course by the Guinness Book of Records, which as the 'fastest selling copyrighted book of all time' actually features inside itself (and presumably continues to infinity). Since the late Roy Castle first pumped his trumpet on telly in the 80's, breaking records has always seemed plausible to the average person in the street - there have been 2244 new World Records broken so far this year, up 173% on the previous 12 months. Indeed, the custodians receive a staggering 65,000 submissions annually. As a result the older country-specific 'Guinness Books' have given way to one all-encompassing Global Edition of 'World Records'.
So they may have moved on from charmingly humble things like 'Britain's Largest Brussel Sprout' towards the 'World's Longest Windsurfing Journey' (5045 miles along Brazil's coast in 2005), or the 'World's Smallest Bottle of Wine' (3cm, containing 0.75ml of wine, yours for $90). But maybe this means it's now easier to have a crack at getting yourself into the hallowed tome. Although I'm narrowing in on the World Record for the most tshirts (I don't know exactly what this is, but the record for the most worn at once is 155), I figure there has to be something I can do to 'be a recoooord breaker' - and thankfully the Official GWR website can help.
Under the 'Do try this at home' section they have a list of 19 categories for would be world-beaters like your author to attempt - and using 'everyday items found around the house', so no need for me to dig out the windsurfer and the Brazilian OS maps. A Saturday afternoon presented perfect conditions for the attempt(s) - pouring rain and galeforce winds outside, beer in the fridge, and only rugby on the telly. First off, culling the list down to manageable size - Tallest Sugar Cube Tower (57 inches) is a no-go as a quick rummage in the cupboards reveals only four Oxo cubes. I pile them up, and reach a paltry 2 inches. Most Clothes Pegs Clipped to the Face (159) and Most Grains of Rice Eaten with Chopsticks in Three Minutes (64 - set in Peterborough) look far too painful (doesn't raw rice explode in your stomach if you eat it?). So it's on with the rest...
First up is the Fastest Duvet Dressing, completed in May 2006 in 1m 3sec in Barcelona. I ignore the fact that I'm not really sure what 'Duvet Dressing' is, and guess it's just putting the duvet into the duvet cover as fast as possible. I give it a game effort, but finish almost 4 minutes off the Spanish record amidst a crackle of static electricity and a freshly lumpen bedspread. I think I could probably do it quicker the next time, but changing duvet covers has to be one of the least appealing prospects on Earth, so I give up and move on to the next thing - Most spoons balanced on the face, currently held by a 12yr old Californian with 15. I figure I can give an American schoolboy a run for his money, but my attempt quickly breaks down after I open a kitchen draw and find only 4. I award myself a moral World Record as obviously I'd have breezed it with the right equipment.
This quickly becomes a theme, as despite GWR's claims, I don't have many of these handy household things to hand in my house. Most Eggs Held at Once (11) fails as we don't have any - although as they don't specify the type of eggs I consider a cheeky submission involving a handful of caviar, but then discount that also as I can't afford it. Longest Distance Flown by a Paper Aeroplane (207ft) I would love to attempt, but it's raining outside, so I resort to the Farthest Throw of a Playing Card (216ft). Our hall is about 15ft long, so I calculate if I throw one to the other end fifteen times, I get the record collectively. Unfortunately it turns out I'm rubbish at this as well, and after ten long minutes I've managed to reach about halfway down the hall. I comfort myself by finding out the 216ft record was achieved by a magician, so he probably used mirrors or something - another one to me.
Longest Time to Spin a Frying Pan on the Finger (14min) I don't even bother trying, as I'm certain I can't even balance one on my finger, let alone spin it for the time it would take me to change four duvets. So I have a go at the Largest M&M Mosaic, which contained 5040 of them (a picture of Eminem (hoho) - which you can see here). I buy a couple of large packets and tip them out. But what to make? I have Green, Brown, Red, Yellow, Orange and Blue to work with, and decide on a nice seaside cottage scene. I very much doubt there are over 5000 M&M's in there, but it looks quite good. I get even more creative with another go - a stirring rendition of a 19th Century tea clipper arriving in the New World, complete with red seagull (M&M's don't come in white).
Very pretty, I'm sure you'll agree, but not close to challenging the incumbent and getting my name into the hallowed pages of the GWR. My final chance is with a couple of eating records - Most Jelly Eaten with Chopsticks in One Minute and Most Smarties Eaten with Chopsticks in Three Minutes. I'm pretty good with the woody implements, and have a huge pile of M&M's left over from my recent art project (they're similar enough to Smarties, I figure). I start with the jelly, and come nowhere near the 45g record in a minute, and just end up making a mess of the kitchen. The M&M's is more promising though. After a few practice runs, I come up with the right technique, quickly pinching them and preventing them pinging off across the carpet. After several queasy minutes, I get up to a personal best of 64, and look up the website to see how I did. The record is 170, and I snap the chopsticks in frustration, unwittingly achieving a new World Record - Most Number of Splinters Obtained During an Accident Suffered Whilst Attempting to Set a World Record.
Guinness World Records
